To support International Adoption - you must also support deforestization = HOLY PAPERWORK BATMAN!!!

The paperwork. is. exhausting!  When we first met with our social worker, she warned us that we would be knee deep in it. However, she also said that if we were organized people then it would be tolerable.  At that point, Ryan and I did a mental high five, because if you didn't know this about me already - I pride myself on being highly efficient and organized
(however, DO NOT look at my desk at work...THAT is a perfect example of organized chaos!...but it makes sense to me.  I'm not bragging - I just learned very early on how to keep my shiz together - how do you think I had a 4.0 in HS and a 3.9 in college?! It's not because I'm particularly smart or anything...I also really, really enjoy office supplies!  I think I'm the only one who gets excited about hi-liters and binder tabs!)

So Ryan and I were like, WE GOT THIS! (or, Erin has this, rather) Then the packets started rolling in...ooooh, wait. Holy Cow! We haven't even started our home study yet! This is just pre-home study stuff. A lot of it takes what seems like FOREVER (I told you I wasn't good at waiting!) because we are relying on and waiting on other people to fill out their portions (If you also don't know this about me - I sometimes would rather just do things myself!!)

 I think this is all pretty standard for ALL adoptions, even domestic -  but we've never done it before, so it's new (and somewhat daunting)

So far, this is what is in process:

*Initial Application - this was about 6 pages (more on this later)

*Holt International Contract - this was about 6 pages of legal stuff that we had to agree to and get notarized

*4 separate Non-Family Referrals, at about 4 pages of questions each (BIG thank you to the friends we chose to fill these out!) I took a look at one of them and there are some difficult questions on there. Thanks guys! we owe you one!

*1 family reference - haven't seen it, but I think its probably the same length as the non-family references

*Financial Statement - One page spreadsheet outlining every single dime we have to our name.  Let's rub it in how much this is REALLY going to cost!

*PIP Training Paperwork - there will be more on this later. We missed this month's training, so we have to wait until the fall for the next session.  It is an 8 hour training on a Saturday that goes over adoption issues and how to handle them.  It is also where you meet other adoptive parents and make contacts throughout the agency. I'm looking forward to it!

*Pregnancy Policy - if I get pregnant then all bets are off, I have to sign saying I know that

*Corporal Punishment Policy - We have to agree to never spank our kids

*Medical - All three of us have to have complete physicals, and then also have our doctors write letters saying that we are pillars of health and that we are fit enough to be parents.  Some countries have pretty strict requirements - such as, in China - you cannot adopt if you have been on antidepressants within the past two years.  Or - in other countries, you cannot adopt if your BMI is over 25!!!  I get why they do that, but come on! My BMI is like a 23! and I consider myself pretty(fairly) fit!  I am interested to see what they say about my Hashimoto's...my endo. wrote a pretty nice letter (she is from China herself, so she is intrigued by our adoption stories) so I'm hoping it won't be too big of an issue

*Background Checks - Fingerprinting, Sex Offender Registry, and MO/KS State checks, and a Fed Check.....update: got the results back, and we are not criminals!!!! HAHA!

Personal Data - this is about 20 pages, and Ryan and I have to each fill one out.  It asks everything from - "what would change about your own childhood?" to, "what do you like most/least about your spouse"....it is some pretty thought provoking stuff!  I've changed my answers AT LEAST 3 times each! 

*Employment Verifications - gotta prove we have jobs to pay for this!!!

One thing I find particularly fascinating about all of this is the fact of how easy it was to have a biological baby.  I spent a lovely evening with my husband, waited 9 months, went to the hospital, and 5 days later they sent me home with a baby - NO. QUESTIONS. ASKED.  They were more concerned with trying to sell me the newborn photos and birth announcements than they were with making sure I was ready to take home a living person!
 I completely understand why the adoption process is so involved, and I would question it if it were any easier. But now I'm questioning why its so easy for anyone to just pop out a biological kid?  There are some really dumb people out there who don't deserve to be parents!!! it's not a right...it's a privilege.  I've said it before - you have to have a license to drive, you have to have a license to catch a damn FISH! but any ol' idiot can become a parent! 

*sigh*

oh, another thing we had to send them was a family picture!  Here is the one we chose...look how cute we are! Won't a little Korean baby look beautiful sitting in our laps too?! LOVE!

About Korean Adoption...straight from the people who invented it

So, I don't know yet what we can "legally" share with others according to our contract with our adoption agency.  I know there are some industry practices and insider information that they like to keep to themselves and that they don't want shared via the internets or blogs (They ACUTALLY have an "internet police" that surfs websites searching for information...if we violate this policy then we can be terminated from our contract! they mean business!!!) We will learn more what the stipulations are when we attend our PIP (Parents in Progress) training.  For now though, because I have had questions from others about it - I will share what is directly posted on our agency's website:

http://www.holtinternational.org/

A Legacy of Love in Korea

Holt’s legacy began in Korea when Harry and Bertha Holt adopted eight beautiful children in 1955. The Holt’s understood that children need families more than anything else, and they could not forget the thousands of children who remained in orphanages. In 1956 the Holts established an adoption program in Korea.

Today Holt International Children’s Services in the United States and Holt Children’s Services of Korea continue as partner agencies assisting the homeless children of Korea, until they can go home to loving, permanent families.

Holt’s foster care program in Korea is an international model for loving, temporary care of children. In addition Holt has an extensive array of programs such as a world-class center for the care and development of disabled children, a highly developed post adoption services program and Heritage Tours for adoptees and their families.

Holt International has over 50 years experience placing approximately 60,000 children from Korea with adoptive families in the US.

• Children are young, many of them infants.
• All of the children live in foster homes, not orphanages
• Excellent medical and social information available.
• Experienced staff both in the US and Korea who respond to the needs of children and families.
South KoreaThe Need The Korean War ended with the signing of an armistice in 1953, splitting the peninsula along a demilitarized zone and leaving, in its wake, many orphaned and vulnerable children. The war also devastated the Korean economy, causing widespread poverty. Unable to provide for their children, many families saw international adoption as a way to give them a better life – a belief shared by many unwed Korean mothers who, fearing the stigma of out-of-wedlock birth, chose to relinquish their children. Also facing a lifetime of discrimination were the many mixed-race children born during the war to Korean mothers and American GI fathers. For these children, international adoption often seemed preferable to a life of poverty and prejudice.
Beginning in the 1960s, South Korea experienced rapid economic and social change, emerging during the last decades of the century as one of the “Tigers of Asia.” As the nation grew more prosperous, so grew the role of the Korean people and government in the welfare of their children, including greater cultural acceptance of domestic adoption.

Traditional Confucian values, which place great emphasis on bloodline, nevertheless remain entrenched in Korean culture. Although more unwed mothers are choosing to parent their child, discrimination makes life extremely difficult for them. For many Korean children, social stigmas still create barriers to having a permanent, loving family within their birth culture.
Holt’s History in South Korea Moved by images he saw of malnourished war orphans, Harry Holt embarked on an historic voyage to South Korea in 1955. That year Harry and his wife, Bertha, urged an act of Congress enabling them to adopt eight Korean children, generating considerable media coverage and public interest in international adoption. Guided by Christian faith, the Holts quickly returned to Korea on a mission to unite every homeless child with a permanent, loving family in the U.S. They established the Holt Adoption Program in 1956, enabling thousands of children to be nourished to health and placed for adoption in the ensuing years.

Concerned about the children who weren’t adopted, especially those with profound medical and developmental conditions, the Holts built a long-term care facility near the village of Ilsan in 1961. The Ilsan Center has since become a world-renowned residential facility specializing in the care of people with disabilities.
Holt developed its philosophy of care in Korea – a philosophy of affectionate, attentive care to nurture children’s growth and development while they await permanent placement. In 1965, Holt introduced a foster care program founded on this philosophy. In this more family-like alternative to an institution, children thrive in the loving embrace of trained foster parents. Holt proceeded to replicate this model of care in countries we serve throughout the world.
Holt broadened its reach in later years, establishing community centers to serve low-income families in several Korean cities. Here, families receive free meals and medical check-ups, as well as opportunities to gain employment and other life skills. Holt also founded the Family Welfare Research Center, providing a forum for collaborative research on social welfare.

In the 1970s, Holt Children’s Services of Korea (Holt Korea) became a legally separate entity from Holt International. They now serve children and families in Korea as two separate but closely tied organizations.
Current Projects Since 1955, over 150,000 Korean children have joined families through international adoption. As adoptees grew to adulthood, many expressed the need for continuing support, such as counseling and assistance with birth searches. To meet this growing need, Holt began offering these post-adoption services, as well as adoptee summer camps and motherland tours – enabling adoptees to explore identity and adoption issues as well as connect with fellow adoptees.

Nearly all of the children who need families in Korea have been relinquished by their birth mothers, most of whom choose to keep their identities secret due to the social stigma of unwed motherhood. Children entrusted to Holt are placed in expert, loving foster homes prior to their adoption. Approximately 600 children are in care at any one time, most of whom wait an average of 11 months before joining permanent families. In the first five months in care, Holt Korea seeks families to adopt domestically, enabling the child to stay within his or her birth culture. Korea, in fact, requires a 5-month waiting period before a child may be placed for ICA.

Child sponsorship helps fund foster care, child care facilities and support for the residents of the Ilsan Center, which continues to demonstrate model care for people with disabilities. Ilsan provides short and long-term rehabilitation and medical care; apartment-style group homes overseen by housemothers; vocational training, such as pottery and sewing; and a K-12 school for children with special needs, including those living outside of Ilsan. Many Ilsan graduates hold jobs at the center or find employment in nearby factories and farms. They often marry and have families of their own.

To prevent child abandonment, Holt Korea began counseling expectant mothers and unmarried couples. Through guidance and support, Holt empowers them to decide whether to parent or relinquish their child. Many of the women who decide to parent stay for one year at one of seven unwed mothers’ homes throughout the country, receiving community housing, nutrition, support and skill development. If a mother decides not to parent, Holt provides her with additional counseling and post-natal care, and places the child for domestic adoption.
Strategic Directions As the country where our mission began, Korea holds great significance to Holt. Our role in Korea is, however, shifting. As national birthrates have declined over the past decade, fewer and fewer children are entering Holt care. And with greater acceptance and occurrence of domestic adoption, the profile of child available for ICA has changed. More healthy infants are finding homes within Korea. Children who now require ICA to have a permanent family frequently have some degree of special need.

Holt has adapted well to the changing landscape of international adoption, successfully recruiting families for children with special needs. But with the overall need for ICA diminishing, the Korean Government has considered bringing an end to the regular process. To maintain a viable adoption program should the regular process end, Holt is advocating for ICA to continue for children with special needs, as well as by Korean-American families – a placement option many consider equal to domestic adoption.

As the overall rate of ICA declines, our role as an adoption service provider will also diminish. But as a child service organization, our purpose in Korea will become more critical. In the coming years, we will help Holt Korea expand the scope of their work – looking beyond ICA to provide broader child and family welfare services through partnerships with local governments, social welfare agencies, educational institutions and hospitals.

Holt Korea’s services will not only expand, but also shift with the dynamics of Korean society, including increasing support for immigrant, guest worker and multi-cultural children and families. As more single mothers choose to parent their children, Holt Korea will provide greater shelter capacity and programs for single parents.

Holt Korea has also undertaken the complete renovation of the Holt Ilsan Center – a five-year project that will require significant fundraising. Holt will strive to underwrite the Ilsan project, work to expand the number of sponsored children, and explore new donor opportunities to support growing child welfare work in Korea.

This document is available as a PDF. Click here.

Some patients worse off with more-experienced docs

Some patients worse off with more-experienced docs

People with complicated medical problems more likely to die in the hospital under the care of a seasoned physician than with a newcomer, study finds

In a study that flies in the face of common sense, sicker patients turned out to fare worse under the care of seasoned doctors than when newcomers to medicine looked after them.   

According to findings in the American Journal of Medicine, patients whose doctors had practiced for at least 20 years stayed longer in the hospital and were more likely to die compared to those whose doctors got their medical license in the past five years.
The results highlight "issues that we have as a medical profession in keeping up to date" with the latest medical knowledge, said Dr. Niteesh Choudhry of Harvard Medical School, who was not involved in the new study. It is "a quality of care problem that has been recognized for five to 10 years," he told Reuters Health.
Dr. William Southern and colleagues looked at records of more than 6,500 patients who'd been hospitalized between 2002 and 2004 at New York City's Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx.
Montefiore is a teaching hospital where patients are first seen by a junior doctor who randomly assigns them to one of the hospital's six medical teams. Each team has a medical student, recent medical school graduates, and at the top, a senior doctor known as the attending physician.
Over the course of the study, there were 59 different attending physicians. The researchers divided them up based on how long they were practicing: five years or less, six to 10 years, 11 to 20 years, or more than 20 years.
Because the researchers thought doctors might behave differently with their own long-time patients, they confined the study to cases in which patient and doctor had never met before.
In comparing the most and least experienced doctors, researchers saw the most-experienced group had more patients die in the hospital.
At first glance, compared to patients with the newest doctors, those with the most experienced physicians had more than a 70 percent increase in their odds of dying in the hospital and a 50 percent increase in their odds of dying within 30 days.
However, when the researchers took into account how sick the patients were, they found that only the sicker patients -- those with complicated medical problems -- were at higher risk in the hands of the more experienced doctors.
Southern's group also found that while the doctor's experience played a role in how long patients stayed in the hospital, it also mattered how many hospitalized patients he or she was taking care of.
When doctors weren't very busy, they kept patients in the hospital for roughly the same average time no matter how many years of experience they had. But when they did have a lot of patients to see in the hospital, those with more than 20 years of experience kept patients there about half a day longer than their peers who'd been practicing for less than five years.
Previous research has found similar results across a variety of physician specialties. Earlier studies have also shown that physicians with more time in practice are less likely to adhere to practice guidelines.
"It's not quite as simple to say that as you get further away from training, your quality gets worse," cautioned Choudhry.
The problem, he said, is not with the capability of the more experienced doctors, but rather, their familiarity with more current guidelines and practices. The results suggest the need to rethink the way doctors are continually educated in the years after completing their certification, he added.
The authors suggest that physicians with more than 20 years in practice be required to recertify periodically. Most of the older doctors in the current study are presently exempt from having to take recertification tests, they say.
Most doctors do participate in "continuing medical education" programs after they finish their training. But much of it is passive, consisting mostly of attending lectures and reading articles by medical researchers. While these are important ways of learning new findings, said Choudhry, it would be better to develop educational programs that would actively engage the more experienced physicians.
Dr. Steven Weinberger, executive vice president and CEO of the American College of Physicians, cautioned that it is premature to make drastic changes based on the results of the study, which only looked at small numbers of attending physicians. He also came up with several alternative explanations for the findings.
For instance, the fact that patients were in a teaching hospital might have contributed to the different rates of death, since more experienced doctors might give the doctors-in-training more autonomy. And the different lengths of time patients stayed in the hospital could reflect a cultural difference in today's younger physicians, who are taught to focus on reducing hospital stays.
Despite his concerns about the study, Weinberger agreed, "It is important for physicians to stay as current as possible."


Copyright 2011 Thomson Reuters

Let's Learn a Lesson about Love and Acceptance from the "Dino Train"

One day, right after we put in the adoption application, I was having some major doubts...

then this came on the tv and Jillian knew the lyrics and was singing with them, and I really listened to the words.  I burst into tears and knew in my heart that we are doing the right thing.  I haven't looked back since. Please watch it and read the lyrics. It is so sweet and endearing, and so what I want our little family to be all about!

  I'm getting a little *verklempt* all over again watching it right now...

Dinosaur Train

Once upon a time there was a mom
Her name was Mrs. Pteranodon
Sittin’ on her nest she heard a stratchin’ and said
“Oh boy! My eggs are hatchin’”

One by one her kids popped free
baby Pteranodons one, two, three
“I’ll name you Tiny, Shiny, and Don”
But Tiny said “Wait, there’s one more, Mom”

Last little baby was a different size with teeth and a tail and big green eyes
He didn’t look anything like the rest
“What am I doin’ in a Pteranodon nest”

But dear old Mrs. Pteranodon said

“Oh this is your family and I’m your mom
you may be different, but we’re all creatures,
all dinosaurs have different features
Come on Buddy, we’ll take a vacation
I’ll get us some tickets at Pteranodon station
We’ll travel the world through sunshine and rain
And meet all the species on the…”

Dinosaur train, dinosaur train, dinosaur train, dinosaur train
We’re gonna ride, ride ride ride…
[Choo Choo]
ROAR!

On to Bigger and (MUCH)Better things!

Ok, so I have to admit, this blog was never intended to a be a big ol' pity party about all my health issues.  Sure, they're a big part of my life, and they will continue to be for the rest of forever. I am really happy that people are reading it and maybe understanding a little more about me, and also finding out valuable information about some of their own issues they may be struggling with.  I am especially happy that through reading my blog, people are understanding they can control their own health by making good decisions about food, and being their own best advocate.  For that, the "oversharing" and "TMI" are totally worth it.

 I found a new endocrinologist just about a month ago, and she *finally* prescribed me Armour (the medication I've wanted to be on this whole time).  After a few weeks of an adjustment period, I'm feeling pretty good!  Still learning, still researching...but overall, in a MUCH better place than I was in this time last year.  I finally feel at at peace (mostly).  I still have bad days, but the bad days are slowly starting to get outnumbered by the good ones. 

It is at this time that I want to share what the true intention of this blog has always been -

Ryan and I have put in an application to adopt a baby from Korea!!! 

We got word the other day that our application had been accepted, and we have started the paperwork for the Home Study.  It will be a fairly long process that will demand a lot of time, patience, (money), trust, and faith.  A lot of things that I'm admittedly not very good at! 

I felt like I needed to explain in previous posts why we chose to adopt.  I'm having health issues.  I probably could have another biological child with some risks, but after agonizing about the right decision and weighing the pros and cons of each (the Creedens don't do anything on the fly...everything is quite intentional and has a well crafted plan. I'm a "planner", what can I say? there are worse things to be...) we have come to the point where adoption makes the most sense for us.  Ryan and I always talked about adoption, even before we were married.  We always said that if we had the opportunity and means to do it, we would explore it as a serious option.  Well, here we are, at a crossroads of what to do next.  We have 3 options:  be a happy family of 3, risk my health and a baby's health for another biological child, or adopt.   We finally came to the conclusion that our family is not yet complete, but it is not worth it to further jeopardize my health.  So what is left? ADOPTION!

I will get into the ins and outs of the whole process as things progress...I just really really wanted to make the big announcement!!! I can't keep secrets! I'm too excited to keep it to myself anymore! The whole reason for this blog was to have a real time journal of our experience.  I'm also writing it as I know a lot of our friends and family will have a lot of questions along the way.

GET EXCITED PEOPLE! We certainly are!!!!

I don't need to walk around in circles, walk around in circles...

TMI ALERT! You've been warned...


*siiiighhhh* If its not one thing, its another.
So a piece of  my saliva test from the Naturopath showed that I had low progesterone, which totally explains why my periods were 55 days apart.  My non-functioning thyroid was now affecting LITERALLY every single part of my life.  It is truly quite fascinating how your body is a well oiled machine, and if one cog is broken, the rest of the wheels don't turn either.  So in true holistic health form, Dr. K gave me a natural progesterone replacement supplement to try to help my hormonal levels readjust.  She also gave me some adrenal boosters too.  So many times, when your thyroid is burnt out, your adrenals have gone kaput as well. 

Adrenal fatigue can explain why you need coffee or soda in the morning to get going, or why your energy crashes at 3pm everyday...fascinating! I say this a lot, but, IT ALL MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!!! 

Read about adrenal fatigue here: http://thyroid.about.com/cs/endocrinology/a/adrenalfatigue.htm

During the winter of 2011 I was taking B12, D3, Iron, natural progesterone (6 pills/day), the natural adrenal booster (6 pills/day), fish oil, Synthroid, and a probiotic.  As much as I like and believe in the good work my Naturopath does, it was exhausting!!!! That is 18 pills a day people!!!! And of course they all have to be timed differently so as not to interact with food, or each other, so I was setting timers and reminders all over the place. I had one of those weekly pill organizers, and you know its bad when comparing notes with my 86 year old grandmother I had more pills in my caddy than she did!

After about 4 weeks on the natural progesterone my periods went from 55 days apart to every 9 days. I would bleed for 7 days, have 9 days off, bleed for 7 days, etc...so, obviously the supplements were affecting something in my body, but it took it from one extreme to another. Talk about another exhausting experience!  Ladies, I think we all agree, that one period a month is more than enough to deal with....this was getting to be a little ridiculous.

Looking back, this two month time frame was probably the lowest point of my journey. I had been given so much hope - finally having a diagnosis, overhauling my diet, finally finding really great support through Dr. Michelle, Dr. K and my gyno....  But here I was, still feeling highly symptomatic, feeling like I was going to bleed to death (and still not pregnant!), feeling crazy and seriously considering going for those antidepressants, and the cherry on top - gaining 12 pounds in 2 months despite all of my healthy eating and exercising at least 3+ times per week.
Hashimotos really fucks with your metabolism. If I don't stick to a strict 1200 calorie/day diet and do a hardcore workout at least every other day, then I can literally gain 3-5 lbs per week. 5 days in Florida over spring break, with a few margaritas, maybe a slice of key lime pie, and no exercise, some people might gain 2 pounds at the most, I gained 8! So if you see me obsessing on the computer tracking every single morsel I put in my mouth, there is a reason! Just leave me alone and don't tell me I don't need to use Weight Watchers - their points system is awesome for someone like me and its the main reason I don't weigh 250lbs!

(Weight Watchers is awesome...but I do sometimes prefer www.myfooddiary.com) 

 I just really wanted to lay in bed with the covers over my head for the rest of eternity.  It was all I could do to force myself out of bed and put on my fake happy face everyday. 
Again, I applaud my friends, co-workers, and awesome hubby and daughter for pretending not to notice and putting up with me with a smile on their faces anyway...I'm pretty sure I wasn't pleasant to be around. 
(But I will say, I do have this one co-worker who always says "Wow, you look tired." Literally, on a daily basis. Yes, honey. I. am. tired. I'm tired of being tired and I don't need you to remind me everyday that I look like shit. Thanks though.)

I went back to my gyno to discuss the wonky period thing. Although she fully supports my Naturopath, she wanted me to get off the natural progesterone, go back on the pill to give my body a hormonal break, and then when I was really ready to have another baby, get off the pill and take Clomid right away. 

Hashimoto’s Disease and Unexplained Infertility

A hypoactive thyroid could make a woman infertile by hampering ovulatory phase despite getting her menses regularly. Females having undetected hypothyroidism and repeated failed attempts at conceiving have an augmented chance of miscarrying or birth interruption.
A number of females with hypoactive thyroid have presence of high amounts of prolactin in their bodies, a type of hormone which brings about breast milk secretion subsequent to child birth. Presence of excessive prolactin levels could hamper ovulation. Hypothyroidism could additionally cut short the luteal phase in a menstrual cycle every month that would last for a regular twelve to sixteen days on an average. In case the luteal phase is briefer than ten days then the lining of uterus does not get ample time to satisfactorily develop for facilitating proper embryo implantation.

Clomid would FORCE me to ovulate. It might not work, but if it does, there is a high risk of multiples.  Wow. I don't want triplets...
There are also some risks with Hashimotos if you do happen to get pregnant. 

How is the Baby Affected if the Mother has Hashimoto’s?

Anyone with a hypothyroid condition is more likely to experience problems in becoming pregnant than people with a normal-functioning thyroid, and risks suffering recurrent miscarriages. Untreated hypothyroidism of all sorts increases the risk of coronary artery disease, as it is closely associated with a prevalence of lipid disorders. In women with Hashimoto’s, this is most likely to emerge as antiphospholipid syndrome; this is easily tested, and the dangers overcome by simple aspirin and Heparin treatment. Untreated, it can cause blood-clotting problems as the placenta develops, and later complications such as premature birth, and low birthweight.

Other risks to the baby mirror those of any hypothyroid condition, and include placental abruption and pre-eclampsia (pregnancy-induced hypertension). Mild brain developmental abnormalities may also occur in children born to women with untreated hypothyroidism for reasons other than iodine deficiency (see above), so any form of hypothyroidism must be identified and treated. The key advice seems to be “test and test again” to make sure any variation in thyroid levels is accounted for, and the baby receives all the iodine necessary

Read more at Suite101: Risks to the Baby in a Hashimoto's Pregnancy: Can this Autoimmune Thyroid Condition Harm Your Baby? | Suite101.com http://www.suite101.com/content/risks-to-the-baby-in-a-hashimotos-pregnancy-a123873#ixzz1Rou7bXGy

Certainly, this is all very hard to swallow.  Especially since Jillian was so (relatively) easy to get here.  Ryan and I had a very long conversation, followed by lots of sitting and alone-time thinking, and then another very long conversation about what to do next.  Ultimately, even though we realize that thousands of women with Hashimotos go on to have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies, we are not willing to take on the risks involved.  There are too many things we are not comfortable with - from fertility treatments, to miscarriage, to me possibly having to be on bed rest for the better part of 9 months (remember, I already have significant joint pain,  swelling, and fatigue...how is pregnancy going to affect that?) In the end, the stress on my body, and the subsequent stress on our marriage, family, and work lives is just not worth it to us.  So I got back on the pill.

The decision was heartbreaking for me.  The hardest part of all was that it seemed like there were babies EVERYWHERE. Everyone around me - close friends, family members, co-workers, were pregnant.  I wanted to be pregnant, but couldn't.  It was so hard to watch everyone compare their growing bellies, plan for baby showers, etc and know that I'm never doing it again.  It also seems like, when someone is pregnant, that's all we ever talk about. There are other things going on in the world besides babies!
 Of course, I'm thrilled for everyone, I would never take that excitement away from them. They deserve it, they're wonderful people, and I'm so completely over the moon with joy for each and every one of them...but there was always a small part of me that was like, SHUT UP! I don't want to hear about your stupid 3D sonogram today!  Not today...Not today. 

(I also hate the question "when is Jillian getting a sibling...?"  Ok people, I know you mean well, but really, none of your business! She never asks me when she's getting one, so why do you?!)

 I think the lowest of the low points was when a friend asked to borrow my summer maternity clothes - of course! Why buy new ones?  I had no idea that something as simple as folding them up and putting them in a bag would bring on such a flood of emotions.  I had a nervous breakdown on the floor of my walk-in closet.  I didn't even really like being pregnant!!! and here I am bawling all over my fat pants!  As much as it hurt, I think I needed that night though, because passing my clothes over to a friend was kind of like shutting the book on the whole thing.  Closure.  Quit obsessing, the decision has been made.  We have one gorgeous, smart, healthy, amazing daughter.  Let's be happy with what we've been blessed with.

Time to move on...

Navigating a Gluten Free Life in a Gluten Filled World...it's not as hard as you think!

I guess I should start this chain of thoughts  by saying - I was not forced to eliminate all of these foods from my palate.  In fact, when asked, my original endocrinologist said it wasn't necessary to make any dietary changes whatsoever (but remember...he was kind of a putz anyway...so...).  I've had many people come up to me and say "but Erin, my mom/grandma/sister/friend have Hashimotos too, and THEY don't have to stop eating all these foods!"  Great! Good for them!  But I would be remiss if I didn't ask - How's that working for them? How are the FEELING?  I would challenge anyone else experiencing the same issues as me to try the elimination diet and see how they feel within two weeks.  With the help and direction of a Naturopath and my Gynecologist, I am making an informed CHOICE to create a healthier lifestyle for myself and my family.  Trust me when I say, its a giant pain in the ass and it makes going to picnics and BBQ's, or anywhere where you're not in control of the food that's being prepared quite difficult.  Its embarrassing to have to constantly ask "What's in this?", and bringing your own food everywhere makes you look like a complete stuck up piece of work. But giving up birthday cake, pasta, etc is well worth it in the long run for the price of my good health. 

That being said....Here we go -
the BIGGEST elimination from my diet......GLUTEN!!!
oh boy, this is a doozy...or is it...?
the below videos are great informational pieces from Dr. Vikki Petersen of HealthNOW Medical Center that explain the gluten/autoimmune disease connection. Fascinating! It makes so much sense!

The results of my saliva test from Dr. K were VERY interesting.  It showed that I have a gluten sensitivity (not Celiacs...just a sensitivity), low progesterone (we'll get to this later), and a borderline tendency for hypoglycemia (which completely explains the 3pm energy crash every day!)

I quit gluten cold turkey in January of 2011.  Prior to that, I was "watching" my gluten intake, but there were things I still ate, which in hindsight I now know were the cause of many bad days.  I truly believe that I am coming into the gluten-free living world at a great , well informed time.  Now there are so many restaurants, grocery stores, websites/blogs, dedicated to catering to the gluten free lifestyle - it makes it a whole lot easier to cope with now that people are more aware of it, and its not this foreign concept to most anymore. 

So, what is gluten?

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-gluten.htm

Gluten is a special type of protein that is commonly found in rye, wheat, and barley. Therefore, it is found in most types of cereals and in many types of bread. Not all foods from the grain family, however, contain gluten. Examples of grains that do not have gluten include wild rice, corn, buckwheat, millet, amaranth, quinoa, teff, oats, soybeans, and sunflower seeds.
Gluten can be removed from wheat flour, producing wheat starch. All of the gluten in wheat flour, however, cannot be removed. Still, according the the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), if a certain amount of the gluten is removed, the food product can be labeled "gluten-free." (This is somewhat similar to food products that can be labeled as 0 Calories even though a serving contains 4 or less Calories.) Gluten helps make bread elastic, providing it with that chewy texture it has when eaten. For this reason, flour that has had most of its gluten removed, produces a sticky dough that feels much like chewing gum.
Gluten provides many additional important qualities to bread. For example, gluten keeps the gases that are released during fermentation in the dough, so the bread is able to rise before it is baked. In addition, gluten firms up when it is cooked and, with the help of starch, helps ensure the bread maintains its proper shape.

While Gluten is probably the biggest thing I eliminated from my diet, it surprisingly wasn't the hardest.  Sure, at first I was annoyed and nervous at the prospect of having to completely overhaul my life, MY FAMILY'S life, and the way we do things...Food is such a conversation piece in our house. My husband is the ultimate "Food Snob", pre-packaged box foods have never found their way across our threshold.  We build our family time around amazing dinners, we get excited about red wine and beautiful produce.  I didn't want to lose that just because we were being put under so many restrictions. But, like I said, there is a lot of awareness about gluten intolerance diseases now, and there are ways to lead a satisfying "food life" without gluten. 

Fresh fruits and veggies, lean meats and fish, olive oils, and nuts are where its at when living gluten free.   But when you get a hankering for comfort or snack foods....

These are a few of my favorite things:

CIROC VODKA! thanks P.Diddy!  it's made from Grapes, not Potatoes!

HEARTLAND CORN/RICE PASTA!  We don't eat a ton of pasta anymore, but if we get the hankering, this is the BEST we've found so far.  A lot of gluten free pastas turn out to be a big, sticky, globby mess.  This tastes like regular pasta! I was so excited to find this!

RICEWORKS CHIPS!  Great alternative to potato or tortilla chips!

Taste great with salsa, and are low in sodium!

LOVE!!! Thank you Kellogg's!!!! It makes me oh so very happy to be able to have a sweet treat in Rice Krispie Treats!!! (Marshmallows are gluten free too!!!)

QUINOA!!!! this is an amazing, yummy, extremely healthy little grain that you should be eating! It tastes great with a lot of different meals!

"Not only is quinoa high in protein, but the protein it supplies is complete protein, meaning that it includes all nine essential amino acids. Not only is quinoa's amino acid profile well balanced, making it a good choice for vegans concerned about adequate protein intake, but quinoa is especially well-endowed with the amino acid lysinequinoa features a host of other health-building nutrients. Because quinoa is a very good source of manganese as well as a good source of magnesium, iron, copper and phosphorus, this "grain" may be especially valuable for persons with migraine headaches, diabetes and atherosclerosis"

and because it would be rude not to share - my favorite Gluten Free Blog, chock full of recipes and giveaways - worth a read, even if you're not planning on going gluten free!

http://www.adventuresofaglutenfreemom.com/

Food Triggers Article

Here is an interesting article I came across regarding food and Arthritis flare-ups.  I have been tested for Arthritis, but have come back negative every time.  Now that I have one auto-immune disease, I am more susceptible to develop others throughout my lifetime.  My grandmother had debilitating Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) and Diabetes (both auto-immune diseases as well)... I'm pretty convinced that with my current joint pain and inflammation, my diagnosis and a family history of auto-immune disease, I'm on a straight path to develop RA at some point in my life. I like to keep articles like this in my back pocket...

Foods that Trigger Rheumatoid Arthritis Flare-Ups

By Barbara Stanifer, Special to Lifescript   Published June 25, 2011

Do restaurant meals and snack attacks leave you with rheumatoid arthritis aches and pains? Certain foods – some of your favorites, like steak and cookies – may be causing flare-ups. Find out what you should stay away from and how to pick tasty substitutes.

1. Red meat, pork, poultry, eggs, butter

Why they’re RA triggers: These animal products contain harmful saturated fat, which increases inflammation in the body.  “After a single meal high in saturated fat, blood cells produce more inflammatory signals for several hours,” Galland says. “Continue eating like that, and blood cells stay in this inflammatory state,” he adds.  For RA sufferers, that means joint and muscle pain, heartburn, fatigue and even acne.

Eat this instead: Love omelets? Whip one up with egg whites (the saturated fat is in the yolk).
Proud of your milk mustache? Switch to skim. Can’t give up meat? Choose leaner cuts like sirloin steak, chicken breasts and pork loin chops.
If it’s protein you crave, get it from salmon or mackerel, which are rich in healthful omega-3 fatty acids (you’ll learn more about their health-boosting benefits in the next section).
But “get more fats from plant sources than animal,” says David Rakel, M.D, director of Integrative Medicine at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine.
“Fat isn’t bad, but we need more polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats, such as those found in olive oil, nuts and avocados.”

2. Store-bought chips, margarine

Why they’re RA triggers: These snacks and spreads contain trans-fatty acids (TFAs), oils that are chemically processed to make them more solid and stable.
A diet high in TFAs increases C-reactive protein, a marker doctors use to indicate the amount of inflammation in the blood, according to a 2004 Harvard Medical School study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. The study showed that TFA-rich foods had a profound effect on inflammatory markers, making them twice as dangerous as saturated fats.“Adding TFAs to the American diet was one of the worst things we could have done. The body requires a lot more energy to break down trans-fats, which creates inflammation,” Rakel says. (Click here to learn more about his recommended steps for a healthier diet.)
TFAs show up in many packaged and processed foods, but they’re easily detected: Just look at the nutrition label. Since 2008, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has required that all U.S. food manufacturers list trans fats.
But watch out: Even if a label proclaims zero trans fats, it’s not necessarily free of them. Federal regulations allow products containing up to half a gram of trans fat per serving to be labeled as “trans-fat free.”
That means consumers can easily exceed the maximum daily recommended amount of trans fats (1.11 grams) with just three pieces of toast spread with “trans-fat-free” margarine.
A safer bet: Stay away from products that include partially hydrogenated oils on the ingredient list; that’s code for trans-fat content.

Eat this instead: Nuts and seeds contain omega-3 fatty acids, a healthier fat that reduces levels of C-reactive protein, according to a 2009 study published in the European Journal of Clinical Nutrition.
“When you crave a crunchy snack, dump the chips and scoop up a handful of walnuts, a great source of omega-3,” says Joan Levinthal, a registered dietitian in Woodland Hills, Calif.
Replace margarine with trans-fat-free spreads, such as Smart Balance Omega-3 Buttery Spread, which contains omega-3-rich flaxseed and fish oil.

3. Cakes, cookies, white bread, potatoes and white rice

Why they’re RA triggers: These comfort foods rank high on the glycemic index (GI). They quickly break down into sugar, making insulin levels rise, which can cause inflammation.
In fact, each 10-point increase in a diet’s glycemic status is associated with a 29% rise in C-reactive protein, according to a 2008 Netherlands study published in the Journal of Clinical Nutrition.
“Sugar increases the inflammatory [process],” says nurse practitioner Marcelle Pick, R.N.C., Ob/Gyn N.P., author of The Core Balance Diet (Hay House) and co-founder of Women to Women, a holistic medical clinic in Maine.
"If you must have something sugary, eat it with some protein to slow its breakdown into glucose."

Eat this instead: By replacing white bread, potatoes and rice with moderate servings of whole-grain bread, sweet potatoes and brown rice, you’re eating on the lower end of the GI index. Plus, you’re adding more fiber to your diet, which fights inflammation, according to the Arthritis Foundation.  Bing cherries have been found to reduce inflammatory markers, according to a 2006 study in The Journal of Nutrition. More on Bing Cherries Later!!!!
Apples and pears are also low on the glycemic scale. Baked and flavored with cinnamon, they’ll taste like a decadent dessert.
“Cinnamon has been shown to help regulate blood sugar; plus, it has a sweet taste all its own,” says registered dietitian Angela Ginn, a spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association.

4. Milk and wheat products

Why they’re RA triggers: Some foods trigger food-intolerance reactions, such as bloating, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and headaches.
If you have food sensitivities, your immune system creates antibodies every time you eat them, causing an inflammation cycle, according to Pick.
To prevent this, eliminate foods that disturb your gastrointestinal tract.

Eat this instead: Because intolerances differ by person, find out your food allergies first, then pick healthier substitutes.
In month one, Pick’s patients follow a strict month-long elimination diet that excludes common food triggers: sugar, dairy, wheat, eggs, citrus, caffeine, soy. They also keep track of physical reactions in a food diary.
In month two, they slowly reintroduce missing foods, one at a time. Any foods that produce a negative reaction are permanently removed from the plate.

“After changing diets, some patients are able to go back to their doctors and ask to be taken off their RA medications,” Pick says.

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT!!!

 

 

Everyone needs a Naturopath on speed dial and maybe a personal chef too

Over Christmas break I visited Dr. K, the naturopath, for the first time.  This was a doctor's appointment like no other I had ever been to.  My first visit with her was THREE HOURS!  During that time frame she was able to witness something that no other doctor had yet seen - my tendency to get extremely fatigued, extremely fast.  I can go from a 9 to a 2 on the energy scale very quickly.  No other doctor in their 10 minute exams had ever seen it first hand, and I think never fully grasped from my descriptions how significantly my daily routine is affected by it (Its kind of hard to function throughout the day when you have to immediately stop whatever you're doing to take a cat nap or space out for a few minutes - as mentioned in a previous post, it happened once when I was driving, and I literally got lost on a street I've driven every day for 10 years. It was very scary, to say the least!).  My brain gets foggy and I go into a trance-like state where it is hard to complete sentences, my mouth gets cottony, my body feels like its swimming in jello, and I have trouble focusing my eyes - and it happened in Dr. K's office! 
It was great, and it was important for her to see!  It was her first clue that I might be battling some blood sugar issues in addition to the Hashimoto's.   She ordered a slew of tests, including a saliva screening that required me to spit into little vials throughout an entire 24 hour time frame.  (That was fun at work! "Excuse me co-workers, I have to run to the restroom to spit into a tube now..."!)

She also explained to me the basic logistics of "YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT".... THIS IS BIG TIME, LIFE CHANGING STUFF! My poor, amazing cook, food snob husband! His poor little foodie world was about to get turned upside down as well...
It was time to clean out our pantry....

First off - soda, diet soda....ohhhhhhhh nooooo! DO NOT TAKE AWAY MY DAILY SONIC DIET VANILLA COKES!!!!!!!!  I. WILL. CUT. YOU.  Then she explained diet soda and its chemical breakdowns in your body...what happens to it when they take it off the truck and let the cans/plastic bottles sit in the sun for just 10 minutes, it's basically like drinking liquid cancer....
read here: http://healthandsurvival.com/2008/01/20/the-dangers-of-diet-coke-pepsi-and-other-diet-foods/

and here: http://www.mcmanweb.com/diet_coke.html

Now don't get me wrong...I love me a diet soda.  And I still occasionally indulge (but I ALWAYS feel like shit afterwards...especially now that my body has been "cleansed". Example: I had a Diet Dr. Pepper today and had to take a 2 hour nap to sleep off the chemical effects, it was almost like being drunk for me, only without the fun buzz....totally not worth it in the end, even though it tasted so good going down)  So, lets not pretend this isn't a drug and that its not just as addictive as cigarettes... I give people a lot of shit for smoking their "cancer sticks".  Time for me to look in the mirror, first thing to be chucked from my diet: SODA. Bye bye forever Sonic. I will miss you.

Second:  Dairy.  Ok, well this wasn't too hard.  I'm not a big dairy fan anyway, I have never been able to just sit down and drink a glass of milk, and certain cheeses have always given me stomach problems. Plus, processed cheeses and such are VERY salty, and always make my fingers and joints swell immediately upon consumption.  Again...just not worth it to me to feel poorly.  I occasionally splurge at places like Yogurtini and the Jason's Deli ice cream machine doesn't seem to bother me (I wonder if its because its free at Jason's...hmmm...mind over matter on that one perhaps, ha!)  Also, a hard cheese like Romano, or a really good quality Buffalo Mozzarella doesn't trigger any sort of reaction either.  I don't know why.  I just know I have to be selective.  No more Papa John's pizza Friday night in our house. No more smothered burritos at Rancho.  No more nachos at the Royals games....*tear*...on the plus side, I have noticed that when I completely cut out dairy my skin is a lot clearer!  BONUS! Usually the day after one of my "splurges" I am sporting a huge zit on my chin, which is totally not cool. Again, SO NOT WORTH IT for a slice of pizza.

Good article on the Acne/Dairy connection:  http://www.naturalnews.com/024613_milk_acne_blood.html

(Can you tell I went to college?  I love to back up my reasons with sources, and cite my sources...thanks UMKC, the $14K student loan I'm still paying off is working wonders for my BLOG...good grief)

From the website: http://www.examiner.com/health-and-science-in-providence/why-dairy-is-scary-autoimmune-diseases

Continue reading on Examiner.com Why dairy is scary: autoimmune diseases - Providence Health and Science | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/health-and-science-in-providence/why-dairy-is-scary-autoimmune-diseases#ixzz1R0Ks7TZY

Third:  Soy.  WHAT? SERIOUSLY?! Everything has soy in it now? What the hell am I going to eat when this is all said and done?  Apples? That's it. I'll just live on apples.  Plus, what am I going to dip my sushi in?!  (I CAN STILL HAVE SUSHI RIGHT? RIGHT?!!!)  Turns out, soy is truly evil to my body.  It creates that same drunk/swollen effect I get from diet soda.  There have been nights where I have eaten soy product in some fashion and woken up the next morning feeling like a bona fide cripple.  Every joint in my body flares up, and I feel sick with flu-like symptoms for an entire day.  And for a long time, I chalked it up to just that - I have the flu.  The second I took all soy and soy products out of my diet I immediately felt like a brand new person.  Everyone thinks soy is such an amazing "Superfood"....Au contraire mes amies...look it up...it can cause A LOT of problems.  I am terrified now for my daughter, as she was on soy milk exclusively for the first two years of her life.  Now that she has a pretty significant family history of thyroid disease, and consumed so much soy milk, I plan on getting her tested every year until she hits puberty, and twice a year after that.  I refuse to let her go through what I am going through.... but do you even realize how many things have a soy by-product in it now?  We spend twice as much on "natural" mayonnaise because all the typical ones have soy oil in it.  Seriously, who ever though mayo would be a freaking luxury we only buy every once in a while now?!

from the website: http://www.thyroid-info.com/articles/soydangers.htm
"Soy products increase the risk of thyroid disease. And this danger is particularly great for infants on soy formula.
This is not information that the powerful and profitable U.S. soy industry wants you to know. The sale of soy products is big business, and the increasing demand for soy protein products, soy powders and soy isoflavone supplements is making that an even more profitable business than ever before. Researchers have identified that the isoflavones act as potent anti-thyroid agents, and are capable of suppressing thyroid function, and causing or worsening hypothyroidism. Soy is a phytoestrogen, and therefore acts in the body much like a hormone, so it's no surprise that it interacts with the delicate balance of the thyroid's hormonal systems. High consumption of soy products are also proven to cause goiter. Isoflavones belong to the flavonoid or bioflavonoid family of chemicals, and are considered endocrine disruptors -- plants or other products that act as hormones, disrupting the endocrine system, and in some cases, this disruption involves acting as an anti-thyroid agent. (The grain millet, for example, contains high levels of flavonoids, and is commonly known as problematic for thyroid function). Flavonoids inhibit thyroid peroxidase (TPO), which disturbs proper thyroid function."

Remember from a previous post, my TPO levels are through the roof!  This is my immune system fighting back...*sigh* it all makes so much sense!

Fourth: Goitrogen foods - what in the world are those?  Oh, foods that aggravate your thyroid and can cause a goiter.  First - what is a goiter? - The term “goiter” simply refers to the abnormal enlargement of the thyroid gland. It is important to know that the presence of a goiter does not necessarily mean that the thyroid gland is malfunctioning. A goiter can occur in a gland that is producing too much hormone (hyperthyroidism), too little hormone (hypothyroidism), or the correct amount of hormone (euthyroidism). A goiter indicates there is a condition present which is causing the thyroid to grow abnormally
This is a bad one that has been left untreated -

POOR GUY! I feel so bad for him! I DO NOT WANT A GOITER! TELL ME WHAT FOODS TO STOP EATING!!!!!!
How Do Goitrogens Inhibit Thyroid Activity?
The way that goitrogens work is that they inhibit iodine metabolism. With regards to thyroid health, iodine is important in the formation of thyroid hormone. As a result, if iodine cannot be properly utilized by the thyroid gland, then the formation of thyroid hormone won’t take place. As you can imagine, this is not a good thing for someone with hypothyroidism, as they already have problems with the manufacturing of thyroid hormone even without consuming goitrogens.
A short list:
• Broccoli
• Cauliflower
• Kale
• Brussels Sprouts
• Cabbage
• Mustard Greens
• Radishes
• Spinach
• Strawberries
• Peaches
• Soy-Based Foods    OH LOOK, OUR FRIEND SOY AGAIN!
• Peanuts

Yup, all of those foods make me feel pretty lousy!  For the record though, I still eat strawberries and spinach with no issues.  But I do miss Ryan's broiled brussels sprouts, and I really miss my grandma's cole slaw and sauerkraut. 

 I really really really also miss peanut butter (what am I supposed to eat with my apples?!). Goitrogens were the hardest of all to give up. I had a very sad funeral to say goodbye to my true love - REESES PEANUT BUTTER CUPS. It was a very hard day.   RIP PB Cups.....you will always hold a special place in my heart.

FIFTH - GLUTEN!!!! oh gluten....you are a post in and of yourself...

to be continued...