Wow! I haven't posted anything since 9/11!!! That's what happens when you have a crazy ass job, and a bajillion things going on every single day of your life....Fortunately for us, my motto is "If you're bored, you're doing it wrong", or, "If you're bored, you're boring"...therefore, the Creedens are absolutely living life in the most correct way possible, and we are totally awesome while doing it!...that being said - we have some catching up to do!
This is ultimately a healthy living and adoption blog - not much to say on the healthy living side right now except I'm feeling pretty good, have a follow up with my endocrinologist on Friday and I'm finally going to get tested for rheumatoid arthritis while I'm there. Pretty sure I'll develop it someday, but hopefully not now! I have a ganglion cyst on my wrist that's pretty painful, but I don't think its RA related, so lets cross our fingers for a negative test.
As for the adoption - OH ME, OH MY! WHERE DO I BEGIN?!!! So much has happened since the last update, I'm afraid my words will spill out like a big ol' jumbled mess, but I'm going to try to get it out anyway. May take me a few days, but here goes:
Update #1 - We finally turned in all of our preliminary paperwork (questionnaires, references, background checks, etc) and had our home study with our social worker the last week of September. We were nervous for no reason at all, as one fellow adoptive parent friend called it "anti climatic". Judy came over and our little welcome wagon Jillian took her by the hand and showed us all over our house, including her play set in the backyard where Judy proceeded to step in a big ol' dookie, courtesy of wiener dog. I was devastated, but Judy took it in stride and laughed at my mortification. We then sat down and just talked about ourselves for an hour. How we met, how we resolve conflict, what our daily routine is like, etc. When Judy left, we were like, "that's it?!". I just really think that social workers are special people with an ESP for creepiness. I really think the whole point of the home study was so she could come over and see what vibe she got off of us - was it an immediate ick factor, or did she feel safe and homey here? I think we passed the test! A few days later I went to Judy's house for my individual interview, and then Ryan did his interview over the phone. If Jillian was a little older, I'm sure she would've had an interview too, but I think they became very acquainted during the home visit when Jillian showed Judy her Tinkerbell bedroom and had her read a princess story sitting on her bed - they're pretty much besties now.
Earlier in the day, I explained to Jillian that we had a special friend coming over to look at our house to talk to us. I told her that it was a lady who was going to help us bring home a new baby brother or sister. I explained to her that no more babies can live in mommy's tummy, so we were going to bring home a baby that was already born and needs a nice family. I asked her how she felt about that and she fell silent. I asked her - does it make you sad? No. does it make you happy? No. Does it make you scared? Yes. I told her, "well honey, it scares me too, but we are going to do great!" Then I was a little worried - oh crap! it's too early to talk about it to her, she doesn't understand, its not a concept she can follow yet.....
but then we got to school and she sat in the office with me for a little while before going to class. She was very quiet as she was coloring, but then she came up to me and had a picture that she described as "our family"....there was a picture of mommy (the tallest, because mommy is in charge, BAHAHAHA! I cannot tell you how in love with this I am!!!), then a picture of Jillian, a picture of daddy, and a picture of "my baby brother, with the spiky hair"....my heart melted and I would've burst into tears if it wouldn't have been for the 45 preschool parents walking through the door at that moment. She had listened to our conversation, she had processed it, and even though she was scared, she accepted it. That afternoon she welcomed Judy with open arms into our house. Since then, I do not bring up the topic of her baby brother directly to her, but we also do not censor ourselves around her. We talk openly about it and I think she is absorbing the info as we go along. She will ask questions and bring it up on her own terms. Just yesterday, she found an Elmo potty training book that we haven't read in a while and she said "I'm a big girl and don't potty the bed anymore. But I'm going to give it to my baby brother because he needs it, and I like Elmo". She is quite possibly the sweetest, most with-it 4 year old I have ever met. Things like this let me know that we are on the right track, and everything will be A-OK.
Put a Bubble in Your Mouth...
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
My life has now officially come full circle...
On this day, September 11th, 2011, I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one with introspective thoughts and emotions about the events that happened 10 years ago today. However, for me, this day also holds an additional memory...
My personal life also did a complete 180 that day...not many people know, but I was engaged to a guy in the military. We were to be married on November 3rd, 2001. September 10th, 2001 was the day he decided he didn't want to get married anymore. He made a decision to move out of our apartment, without my knowledge. I came home that evening to an empty apartment. I was already in my own personal hell when I woke up the morning of September 11th, and the events on the news just disabled me even more. Him being in the military didn't help matters, as they were on high alert and I wasn't able to speak to him for a few weeks afterwards. With no answers, no discussions, my mom and I were forced to cancel the wedding. The hardest part was that the relationship had no closure. I remember walking around like a zombie in those few weeks. With everything happening to the country, plus my own little personal tragedy, it was like the world was falling down all around me.
As I watch television footage of the World Trade Center, it still hurts. I'm bawling over it actually, and my 4 year old is rubbing my arm wondering what the heck mommy is so upset over. I'm struck by the fact that she will never quite "get it". Sure, she will learn about it in history class, but she'll never really understand the raw emotion I still feel when I see all of the news coverage from that day.
Obviously, the cancelled wedding does not hurt anymore, and I am in no way, shape, or form comparing my pain of that to the pain of the thousands of lives lost that day. I met a great guy a year later, have been with him for 9 years, married for 5, and we have a beautiful daughter together. Not everyone got the opportunity to "move on" from September 11, 2001. I did, and for that I'm eternally grateful and blessed.
My personal life also did a complete 180 that day...not many people know, but I was engaged to a guy in the military. We were to be married on November 3rd, 2001. September 10th, 2001 was the day he decided he didn't want to get married anymore. He made a decision to move out of our apartment, without my knowledge. I came home that evening to an empty apartment. I was already in my own personal hell when I woke up the morning of September 11th, and the events on the news just disabled me even more. Him being in the military didn't help matters, as they were on high alert and I wasn't able to speak to him for a few weeks afterwards. With no answers, no discussions, my mom and I were forced to cancel the wedding. The hardest part was that the relationship had no closure. I remember walking around like a zombie in those few weeks. With everything happening to the country, plus my own little personal tragedy, it was like the world was falling down all around me.
As I watch television footage of the World Trade Center, it still hurts. I'm bawling over it actually, and my 4 year old is rubbing my arm wondering what the heck mommy is so upset over. I'm struck by the fact that she will never quite "get it". Sure, she will learn about it in history class, but she'll never really understand the raw emotion I still feel when I see all of the news coverage from that day.
Obviously, the cancelled wedding does not hurt anymore, and I am in no way, shape, or form comparing my pain of that to the pain of the thousands of lives lost that day. I met a great guy a year later, have been with him for 9 years, married for 5, and we have a beautiful daughter together. Not everyone got the opportunity to "move on" from September 11, 2001. I did, and for that I'm eternally grateful and blessed.
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it.
-- Mother Teresa
Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it.
-- Mother Teresa
...ps...
on a funny note...
during our first year of dating, my military boyfriend was deployed to South Korea...HOW'S THAT FOR COMING FULL CIRCLE! HA! it's so funny how it all works out...
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Food is not the enemy...Food is NOT the enemy...
So I'm recovering from a sinus infection...after 3 really hard, stressful weeks my body just basically finally gave me the big ol' middle finger and shut down business. It happens every time this year (beginning of a new school year), so I should expect it and know its coming...
I'm trying really hard to NOT take medications, as a lot of OTC stuff can screw with your thyroid and inhibit absorption of your thyroid meds...so, I'm just trying to stick with the netipot, hot/cold compresses on my face, etc.
I also made a visit to Dr. Magic-Hands Michelle today...which is always a welcome treat, but even more so when I'm not feeling well. I was telling her about not feeling well, but how I still forced myself to do the elliptical and do an hour step aerobics class and an hour weightlifting class earlier in the week (fever included). I felt great afterwards, actually...weird, considering...but Michelle brought a good point...how the frick do I exercise as much as I do, eat as healthy as I do, and still not have a rock hard body? Well, First, I'm not genetically engineered that way...I've always had meat to me, and I'm ok with it, I'vemade peace with it. I've been bigger than I am now, and I've been skinnier than I am now. It's my main goal to just stay where I am. Second, my thyroid condition makes it pretty impossible to lose weight, and makes it pretty easy to put it on. I have to really watch everything I put in my mouth or else it can get out of control very quickly, metabolic disorders suck!
In the lowest of my low days when I'm not feeling good about myself (we all have them...) its one of the things that pisses me off the most. I do everything right, yet my body always seems to betray me...
Now, Dr. M also brings up a good point too - what would I be like if I DIDN'T make so much effort towards health? Would I be a bedridden, 400 pound mess? The thought terrified me. It also pissed me off a little bit because, ho-ly crapola, I'm in this for LIFE! I will be doing back to back cardio classes until the day. I. die. I'm never going to rest again. Good thing my motto is "If you're bored, you're not doing it right"....
So, Michelle and her magic hands got my sinuses moving and after an afternoon of sneezing fits Ryan and I decided to let Jillian stay at school a little longer while we went to a mommy and daddy, kid-free happy hour. It was nice to regroup, especially since he's been travelling so much, and I've been running around like a crazy person taking care of 500 other families (literally) and pretty much neglecting my own in the process. Houlihan's has a gluten free menu, but I pretty much said F-It. I ate the most amazing chicken nachos, loaded with sour cream, cheese, and more salt than anyone should eat in an entire year. I also had a giant beer, and two margaritas. It was amazing in my mouth! I am so careful with what I eat every other day of the week...I sometimes just don't want to nit-pick, and just eat what sounds good. I've barely eaten all week, F-it. Chicken nachos it is!
OMG! why do I do this to myself? Where is my brain?! I am currently sitting here unable to sleep, in pain and misery, not only because of the sinus issues, but now my body and every joint and appendage is on fire with pain and inflammation (EVEN MY LIPS ARE SWOLLEN!!!) from my poor food choices. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm pissed at myself! I know better than this!
So here's the thing... THIS IS FOR LIFE. I'm officially the freak at the table who holds everyone else up and has to special order everything. It is what it is, I guess. I don't want to be the 400 pound, bedridden mess. So I guess it's worth it...it could always be worse. Just bear with me if we're eating together and I have to ask a bajillion questions...trust me, its better than the alternative!
That being said...I'd like to share two new foods I've found that are amazing - they taste good, don't aggravate any of my symptoms, and are gluten/soy/dairy free. They are great for breakfast or quick snacks. Try 'em! you might like 'em!
Lara Bars - my version of a Nutri-Grain bar only waaaaayyyy better for you with only 4 ingredients, and NO CHEMICALS! (By the way...it is my new goal to only eat things that have 4 or less ingredients)
they make me extremely happy at 630am when I'm sitting at my desk starving (because who has time or desire to cook breakfast at the crack of dawn?), or at 3pm when I'm having a blood sugar slump. YAY Lara Bars! My favs are Apple Pie, Cherry Pie, Pecan, and Lemon...they are on sale right now at Hy-Vee for 10 for $10. They are normally $1.59 each, so I've been going every week and stocking up while the sale is going on. If you want to know what to get me for Christmas - Lara Bars in bulk would be awesome!!!! haha!
My second favorite new thing is "Amazing Grass - Amazing Meal"...now this is going to take a minute for some of you, but hear me out.... it is a meal replacement powder that you mix with either rice or almond milk to make a shake out of. It has Acai, Wheatgrass, a Probiotic, Hemp Protein, Flax Seed, etc and all ingredients are from an organic farm in Kansas! Now, this has way more than 4 ingredients...but...they're good ones at least!
Benefits:
Confluence of Functional Foods Hemp Protein Powder can supply any diet with a vegetarian source of essential fatty acids, antioxidants, vitamins, minerals, fiber, chlorophyll and a complete, balanced gluten-free source of the essential amino acids. Rice Protein is an excellent source of vegan, hypo-allergenic protein that is an alternative to soy, without the animal products of whey. Organic Wheat Grass Powder ' One of the most potent green vegetables available. Wheat grass is an excellent source of natural vitamins, minerals, amino acids, and enzymes. Wheat grass is known to be highly alkalizing and will help detoxify the body. Organic Kale - Kale is rich, calcium, and iron. Kale has seven times the beta-carotene of broccoli and ten times more lutein. Organic Barley Grass Powder ' Part of the cereal grass family green barley grasses contain a multitude of enzymes. It appears that there may be thousands of active enzymes in barley grass, especially superoxide dismutase (SOD), a major detoxifying enzyme sometimes recommended in combating arthritis. Organic Alfalfa Powder ' Roots grow very deep to absorb many minerals and nutrients from the soil. Contains eight essential amino acids, is a rich source of vitamin B12, natural fluoride and chlorophyll. Organic Açaí ' This berry is grown in the Brazil rainforest by our friends at Sambazon. It packs more antioxidants than blueberries or pomegranates, plus an abundance of omega fats, protein and fiber. Organic Carrot Powder ' Excellent source of vitamin A from Beta Carotene. Carrots are believed to be very beneficial for eye health. Organic Blueberries - Blueberries are concentrated in anthocyanins and other health promoting antioxidants, plus they add to the great taste of Amazing Meal. Organic Goji Berries ' This healthy berry shows off its phytonutrients in bright red colors. Goji berries are one of the most nutritionally dense fruits on the planet and have been long revered in Tibet for its health promoting effects. Organic Maca 'This amazing adaptogenic root enhances your ability to deal with stress while boosting energy, endurance and performance. Organic Rose Hips - Natural source of Vitamin C. Promotes good health with bioflavonoids and strong antioxidant and immunity support. Organic Banana ' We added organic banana to Amazing Meal so it would taste like you just stepped out of a smoothie shop, only healthier. The great taste it not overmatched by its excellent source of energizing B vitamins and potassium. Organic Flax Seed Powder ' Organic flax seeds are a great source of Omega 3's and fiber.
So I was skeptical because I was pretty sure it was going to taste like complete crap. My naturopath had given me a drink powder to try and it was HORRIBLE! But this one got amazing review throughout several websites, so I decided to give it a go. I mix with rice milk, a banana, and ice. If I know if I'm not going to be able to eat again for a while, I mix some almond butter in with it too. It really is amazing!!!! sooo good, balances my blood sugar, and I don't have to eat 3 morning snacks to get through without passing out. It is definitely a new favorite on my list of "weirdo foods"
I would also like to ask for a "Magic Bullet" for Christmas...because it would be awesome to make up my morning shake faster and with a built-in "to-go" cup. Plus, our blender sucks...
Sunday, August 14, 2011
That dead tree in the back yard was probably the one the money grew on...
I'm having cash flow anxiety with this adoption! Ryan and I have been very fortunate in our 5 years of marriage to not always have to worry about where the bacon is coming from...
That hasn't always been the case, however. When we first got married we were in collective credit card debt to the tune of about $17k. It sucked, it was scary, and it was NOT an awesome way to start out married life. We did some re-managing, refinanced Ryan's house (now MY house too) and were able to pay off all of our debts, and keep them away for good, and we have impeccable credit to show for it. We undoubtedly know how blessed we are to both have good, stable careers, and to have amazing health insurance through Ryan's company. Make no mistake though, we have WORKED OUR ASSES OFF to remain financially stable. It's not easy, and we've cut things out over the years to be able to have the things we really want (I don't really like cable tv that much anyway...and Ryan LOVVVES driving a beat up old Ford pickup with no AC, especially THIS summer - but its totally worth it to be able to take that yearly trip to Florida!)
Suddenly though, I find us at a crossroads of - we'll be ok, to HOLY SHIT WE'RE GOING TO BE IN THE POOR HOUSE! Adoption is freaking expensive y'all, and I'm not sure how we're going to cover it.
Here is breakdown of the costs:
$300 application fee
$52 per person fingerprinting fees
$2500-$2900 Adoption Home Study fee
(remember all that paperwork? someone has to process it...)
$20,215 Korea Program Placement fee
(Korean children basically live in the Waldorf-Astoria until they are adopted...its one of the reasons we picked the program. You will not find 14 babies crammed in one crib in a sad looking orphanage like you see on Dateline in Korea...these kids are well taken care of! It's a perk to know your child is getting amazing care...but you pay dearly for it)
$500 Parent Escort Service Fee
(Holt-Korea charges a Parent Escort Service Fee of $500 for parents who choose to travel to Seoul to escort their own child home. We DEFINITELY need an escort! I don't know how to speak Korean and pretty sure I'd end up in Timbuktu if I tried to navigate the train system by myself. Plus, we have to go to Korean court...I definitely need help with that!)
Post placement Fee $1,200 - $1,400
(There will be follow-up visits with your social worker and reports for the overseas office. This is required by foreign countries and offers families an opportunity to receive support while the child and family are adjusting to each other. The same agency provides both the adoption study and post placement services)
Unknown $$ - TRAVEL TO KOREA
(1 plane ticket could cost $800-$3k, depending on the time of year we get called to travel. Cross your fingers its not December! that is the biggest holiday travel time for Koreans. I want to be able to have me, Ryan, and Jillian travel. But really only one adult has to go. I really don't think I could bear going alone, or even going without Jilly. I feel its important for her to be there and be a part of it)
Other Expenses to Anticipate
Additional expenses which are paid to various service providers. Including:
I want to throw up just thinking about it. We could get a loan, but no bank right now is giving $30k worth of loans with less than 10% interest. We could get a 0% credit card, but the adoption agency wants cold, hard cash. There are grants and things available for adoption, but so far we have not found one we qualify for. Most of them are if you are devout Christians, Jewish, adopting a child with special needs, or if you are Korean-American adopting a Korean baby. We have not been able to find anything special for just regular people wanting to adopt a healthy baby. We can expect about a $13k tax refund from the government when the adoption is complete...but that law is always changing, and who knows what it will be by the time everything is final for us. We cannot count on that as an absolute.
Its quite discouraging. I feel like we do everything right, but keep getting pushed back down. We're financially responsible, but we're going to go into debt over this. That is hard to swallow, especially since we work so hard to stay OUT of debt. We have savings, but don't want to drain entire bank accounts either...
I try very hard to be extremely healthy - eat right, exercise, don't eat fast food, don't smoke, etc, but yet my body won't allow me to have another biological child. If I were having a total pity party here, then I would say that the universe is throwing out all the signs that we should just be happy with the one child we have.
But... I'm not a quitter and I never back down. I always find a way to get what I want. We'll figure this out...
let me get out my little change bucket...
That hasn't always been the case, however. When we first got married we were in collective credit card debt to the tune of about $17k. It sucked, it was scary, and it was NOT an awesome way to start out married life. We did some re-managing, refinanced Ryan's house (now MY house too) and were able to pay off all of our debts, and keep them away for good, and we have impeccable credit to show for it. We undoubtedly know how blessed we are to both have good, stable careers, and to have amazing health insurance through Ryan's company. Make no mistake though, we have WORKED OUR ASSES OFF to remain financially stable. It's not easy, and we've cut things out over the years to be able to have the things we really want (I don't really like cable tv that much anyway...and Ryan LOVVVES driving a beat up old Ford pickup with no AC, especially THIS summer - but its totally worth it to be able to take that yearly trip to Florida!)
Suddenly though, I find us at a crossroads of - we'll be ok, to HOLY SHIT WE'RE GOING TO BE IN THE POOR HOUSE! Adoption is freaking expensive y'all, and I'm not sure how we're going to cover it.
Here is breakdown of the costs:
$300 application fee
$52 per person fingerprinting fees
$2500-$2900 Adoption Home Study fee
(remember all that paperwork? someone has to process it...)
$20,215 Korea Program Placement fee
(Korean children basically live in the Waldorf-Astoria until they are adopted...its one of the reasons we picked the program. You will not find 14 babies crammed in one crib in a sad looking orphanage like you see on Dateline in Korea...these kids are well taken care of! It's a perk to know your child is getting amazing care...but you pay dearly for it)
$500 Parent Escort Service Fee
(Holt-Korea charges a Parent Escort Service Fee of $500 for parents who choose to travel to Seoul to escort their own child home. We DEFINITELY need an escort! I don't know how to speak Korean and pretty sure I'd end up in Timbuktu if I tried to navigate the train system by myself. Plus, we have to go to Korean court...I definitely need help with that!)
Post placement Fee $1,200 - $1,400
(There will be follow-up visits with your social worker and reports for the overseas office. This is required by foreign countries and offers families an opportunity to receive support while the child and family are adjusting to each other. The same agency provides both the adoption study and post placement services)
Unknown $$ - TRAVEL TO KOREA
(1 plane ticket could cost $800-$3k, depending on the time of year we get called to travel. Cross your fingers its not December! that is the biggest holiday travel time for Koreans. I want to be able to have me, Ryan, and Jillian travel. But really only one adult has to go. I really don't think I could bear going alone, or even going without Jilly. I feel its important for her to be there and be a part of it)
Other Expenses to Anticipate
Additional expenses which are paid to various service providers. Including:
- Obtaining copies of legal documents
- Finger printing
- Visa filing fee
- Medical exams
- Travel expenses
- Phone calls to Holt
- Postage
- Legal adoption
I want to throw up just thinking about it. We could get a loan, but no bank right now is giving $30k worth of loans with less than 10% interest. We could get a 0% credit card, but the adoption agency wants cold, hard cash. There are grants and things available for adoption, but so far we have not found one we qualify for. Most of them are if you are devout Christians, Jewish, adopting a child with special needs, or if you are Korean-American adopting a Korean baby. We have not been able to find anything special for just regular people wanting to adopt a healthy baby. We can expect about a $13k tax refund from the government when the adoption is complete...but that law is always changing, and who knows what it will be by the time everything is final for us. We cannot count on that as an absolute.
Its quite discouraging. I feel like we do everything right, but keep getting pushed back down. We're financially responsible, but we're going to go into debt over this. That is hard to swallow, especially since we work so hard to stay OUT of debt. We have savings, but don't want to drain entire bank accounts either...
I try very hard to be extremely healthy - eat right, exercise, don't eat fast food, don't smoke, etc, but yet my body won't allow me to have another biological child. If I were having a total pity party here, then I would say that the universe is throwing out all the signs that we should just be happy with the one child we have.
But... I'm not a quitter and I never back down. I always find a way to get what I want. We'll figure this out...
let me get out my little change bucket...
Sunday, August 7, 2011
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Seeing as I have either been in, or worked in a school since 1985 (with a brief hiatus from the years 2003-06) I have always considered the beginning of my "year" to be mid-August...not January. So for me, next week (August 16th to be exact) is the beginning of a new YEAR for the Creeden household. Instead of getting the typical warm fuzzies and reflective feelings like the rest of you do the last week of December...I'm getting them now...
So this past "year" was one of great discovery and change for me.
I changed jobs (within my job) and changed my work schedule. (Can I just tell you that, yes, even though I do get off at 3pm, getting to work at 630am IS ROUGH! ESPECIALLY in the dead of winter. Getting to work that early also means my alarm goes off at 430am...I snooze it until 445, then I'm up and at'em...) But I'm happy and grateful to have a job, and job I really enjoy with people I really love, no less.
This "year", Jillian also turned 3 and started coming to school with me. She is now almost 4 and has just grown and flourished more than I could ever imagined or hoped for. The other day at school I was working away when I looked at the clock and realized it was her classroom's lunchtime. I said outloud "I'm going to take a little break and go sit with my daughter while she eats". How fortunate am I to have that luxury?! I love having her in the same building... but at the same time, hearing the words "my daughter" sometimes still sounds so surreal! How in the world am I old enough to have kids already?!
Which brings me to Kansas City....last night Ryan and I were walking around downtown on our date night and I realized that next weekend I will have lived in Kansas City for 12 YEARS!!! I was 19 when I moved into my first apartment - it seems like a lifetime ago, but at the same time, seems like it was two seconds ago! Before you know it "my daughter" will be 19 and moving away, and then I might throw up...
My health...blah blah blah. It's all been said before. I had a *YEAR* in the health department! But you know what? That year, I'd never want to do it again, and would never wish it on anyone. It sucked. Plain and Simple. But, it needed to happen. I've learned so much. And after being on new medication for almost two months, and being gluten/soy/dairy/allergen free for 6 months, I have to say I feel pretty damn good! There are still bad days, and I will be conscious of it every day of the rest of my life. But I feel pretty comfortable saying that I will no longer STRUGGLE with it every day of the rest of my life. That is an amazing weight lifted off of my shoulders....(now if only I could get the weight lifted off my ass and thighs...that'd be great too! damn thyroid and metabolic disease!)
And the biggest change of all - deciding to adopt a child from Korea! Everyone we tell says "wow, that's a really big decision"...well, isn't deciding to have a biological child a pretty enormous decision as well?! I'm hoping by the beginning of next "year" we will have our little one home and adjusting. Time will tell. I'm trying not to think too much about it in day to day life, because if I do I will become a mess of anxiety ridden goo. Someone really smart recently told me "let go, and let God". I'm really trying to apply that concept to this situation. I have complete control over pretty much everything in my life, I have got to try to remember that I cannot control the Korean government.
Anyways, HAPPY NEW (SCHOOL) YEAR everyone!!! I wish you much success and happiness in the up-coming year!!! BRING IT!
So this past "year" was one of great discovery and change for me.
I changed jobs (within my job) and changed my work schedule. (Can I just tell you that, yes, even though I do get off at 3pm, getting to work at 630am IS ROUGH! ESPECIALLY in the dead of winter. Getting to work that early also means my alarm goes off at 430am...I snooze it until 445, then I'm up and at'em...) But I'm happy and grateful to have a job, and job I really enjoy with people I really love, no less.
This "year", Jillian also turned 3 and started coming to school with me. She is now almost 4 and has just grown and flourished more than I could ever imagined or hoped for. The other day at school I was working away when I looked at the clock and realized it was her classroom's lunchtime. I said outloud "I'm going to take a little break and go sit with my daughter while she eats". How fortunate am I to have that luxury?! I love having her in the same building... but at the same time, hearing the words "my daughter" sometimes still sounds so surreal! How in the world am I old enough to have kids already?!
Which brings me to Kansas City....last night Ryan and I were walking around downtown on our date night and I realized that next weekend I will have lived in Kansas City for 12 YEARS!!! I was 19 when I moved into my first apartment - it seems like a lifetime ago, but at the same time, seems like it was two seconds ago! Before you know it "my daughter" will be 19 and moving away, and then I might throw up...
My health...blah blah blah. It's all been said before. I had a *YEAR* in the health department! But you know what? That year, I'd never want to do it again, and would never wish it on anyone. It sucked. Plain and Simple. But, it needed to happen. I've learned so much. And after being on new medication for almost two months, and being gluten/soy/dairy/allergen free for 6 months, I have to say I feel pretty damn good! There are still bad days, and I will be conscious of it every day of the rest of my life. But I feel pretty comfortable saying that I will no longer STRUGGLE with it every day of the rest of my life. That is an amazing weight lifted off of my shoulders....(now if only I could get the weight lifted off my ass and thighs...that'd be great too! damn thyroid and metabolic disease!)
And the biggest change of all - deciding to adopt a child from Korea! Everyone we tell says "wow, that's a really big decision"...well, isn't deciding to have a biological child a pretty enormous decision as well?! I'm hoping by the beginning of next "year" we will have our little one home and adjusting. Time will tell. I'm trying not to think too much about it in day to day life, because if I do I will become a mess of anxiety ridden goo. Someone really smart recently told me "let go, and let God". I'm really trying to apply that concept to this situation. I have complete control over pretty much everything in my life, I have got to try to remember that I cannot control the Korean government.
Anyways, HAPPY NEW (SCHOOL) YEAR everyone!!! I wish you much success and happiness in the up-coming year!!! BRING IT!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
To support International Adoption - you must also support deforestization = HOLY PAPERWORK BATMAN!!!
The paperwork. is. exhausting! When we first met with our social worker, she warned us that we would be knee deep in it. However, she also said that if we were organized people then it would be tolerable. At that point, Ryan and I did a mental high five, because if you didn't know this about me already - I pride myself on being highly efficient and organized
(however, DO NOT look at my desk at work...THAT is a perfect example of organized chaos!...but it makes sense to me. I'm not bragging - I just learned very early on how to keep my shiz together - how do you think I had a 4.0 in HS and a 3.9 in college?! It's not because I'm particularly smart or anything...I also really, really enjoy office supplies! I think I'm the only one who gets excited about hi-liters and binder tabs!)
So Ryan and I were like, WE GOT THIS! (or, Erin has this, rather) Then the packets started rolling in...ooooh, wait. Holy Cow! We haven't even started our home study yet! This is just pre-home study stuff. A lot of it takes what seems like FOREVER (I told you I wasn't good at waiting!) because we are relying on and waiting on other people to fill out their portions (If you also don't know this about me - I sometimes would rather just do things myself!!)
I think this is all pretty standard for ALL adoptions, even domestic - but we've never done it before, so it's new (and somewhat daunting)
So far, this is what is in process:
*Initial Application - this was about 6 pages (more on this later)
*Holt International Contract - this was about 6 pages of legal stuff that we had to agree to and get notarized
*4 separate Non-Family Referrals, at about 4 pages of questions each (BIG thank you to the friends we chose to fill these out!) I took a look at one of them and there are some difficult questions on there. Thanks guys! we owe you one!
*1 family reference - haven't seen it, but I think its probably the same length as the non-family references
*Financial Statement - One page spreadsheet outlining every single dime we have to our name. Let's rub it in how much this is REALLY going to cost!
*PIP Training Paperwork - there will be more on this later. We missed this month's training, so we have to wait until the fall for the next session. It is an 8 hour training on a Saturday that goes over adoption issues and how to handle them. It is also where you meet other adoptive parents and make contacts throughout the agency. I'm looking forward to it!
*Pregnancy Policy - if I get pregnant then all bets are off, I have to sign saying I know that
*Corporal Punishment Policy - We have to agree to never spank our kids
*Medical - All three of us have to have complete physicals, and then also have our doctors write letters saying that we are pillars of health and that we are fit enough to be parents. Some countries have pretty strict requirements - such as, in China - you cannot adopt if you have been on antidepressants within the past two years. Or - in other countries, you cannot adopt if your BMI is over 25!!! I get why they do that, but come on! My BMI is like a 23! and I consider myself pretty(fairly) fit! I am interested to see what they say about my Hashimoto's...my endo. wrote a pretty nice letter (she is from China herself, so she is intrigued by our adoption stories) so I'm hoping it won't be too big of an issue
*Background Checks - Fingerprinting, Sex Offender Registry, and MO/KS State checks, and a Fed Check.....update: got the results back, and we are not criminals!!!! HAHA!
Personal Data - this is about 20 pages, and Ryan and I have to each fill one out. It asks everything from - "what would change about your own childhood?" to, "what do you like most/least about your spouse"....it is some pretty thought provoking stuff! I've changed my answers AT LEAST 3 times each!
*Employment Verifications - gotta prove we have jobs to pay for this!!!
One thing I find particularly fascinating about all of this is the fact of how easy it was to have a biological baby. I spent a lovely evening with my husband, waited 9 months, went to the hospital, and 5 days later they sent me home with a baby - NO. QUESTIONS. ASKED. They were more concerned with trying to sell me the newborn photos and birth announcements than they were with making sure I was ready to take home a living person!
I completely understand why the adoption process is so involved, and I would question it if it were any easier. But now I'm questioning why its so easy for anyone to just pop out a biological kid? There are some really dumb people out there who don't deserve to be parents!!! it's not a right...it's a privilege. I've said it before - you have to have a license to drive, you have to have a license to catch a damn FISH! but any ol' idiot can become a parent!
*sigh*
oh, another thing we had to send them was a family picture! Here is the one we chose...look how cute we are! Won't a little Korean baby look beautiful sitting in our laps too?! LOVE!
(however, DO NOT look at my desk at work...THAT is a perfect example of organized chaos!...but it makes sense to me. I'm not bragging - I just learned very early on how to keep my shiz together - how do you think I had a 4.0 in HS and a 3.9 in college?! It's not because I'm particularly smart or anything...I also really, really enjoy office supplies! I think I'm the only one who gets excited about hi-liters and binder tabs!)
So Ryan and I were like, WE GOT THIS! (or, Erin has this, rather) Then the packets started rolling in...ooooh, wait. Holy Cow! We haven't even started our home study yet! This is just pre-home study stuff. A lot of it takes what seems like FOREVER (I told you I wasn't good at waiting!) because we are relying on and waiting on other people to fill out their portions (If you also don't know this about me - I sometimes would rather just do things myself!!)
I think this is all pretty standard for ALL adoptions, even domestic - but we've never done it before, so it's new (and somewhat daunting)
So far, this is what is in process:
*Initial Application - this was about 6 pages (more on this later)
*Holt International Contract - this was about 6 pages of legal stuff that we had to agree to and get notarized
*4 separate Non-Family Referrals, at about 4 pages of questions each (BIG thank you to the friends we chose to fill these out!) I took a look at one of them and there are some difficult questions on there. Thanks guys! we owe you one!
*1 family reference - haven't seen it, but I think its probably the same length as the non-family references
*Financial Statement - One page spreadsheet outlining every single dime we have to our name. Let's rub it in how much this is REALLY going to cost!
*PIP Training Paperwork - there will be more on this later. We missed this month's training, so we have to wait until the fall for the next session. It is an 8 hour training on a Saturday that goes over adoption issues and how to handle them. It is also where you meet other adoptive parents and make contacts throughout the agency. I'm looking forward to it!
*Pregnancy Policy - if I get pregnant then all bets are off, I have to sign saying I know that
*Corporal Punishment Policy - We have to agree to never spank our kids
*Medical - All three of us have to have complete physicals, and then also have our doctors write letters saying that we are pillars of health and that we are fit enough to be parents. Some countries have pretty strict requirements - such as, in China - you cannot adopt if you have been on antidepressants within the past two years. Or - in other countries, you cannot adopt if your BMI is over 25!!! I get why they do that, but come on! My BMI is like a 23! and I consider myself pretty(fairly) fit! I am interested to see what they say about my Hashimoto's...my endo. wrote a pretty nice letter (she is from China herself, so she is intrigued by our adoption stories) so I'm hoping it won't be too big of an issue
*Background Checks - Fingerprinting, Sex Offender Registry, and MO/KS State checks, and a Fed Check.....update: got the results back, and we are not criminals!!!! HAHA!
Personal Data - this is about 20 pages, and Ryan and I have to each fill one out. It asks everything from - "what would change about your own childhood?" to, "what do you like most/least about your spouse"....it is some pretty thought provoking stuff! I've changed my answers AT LEAST 3 times each!
*Employment Verifications - gotta prove we have jobs to pay for this!!!
One thing I find particularly fascinating about all of this is the fact of how easy it was to have a biological baby. I spent a lovely evening with my husband, waited 9 months, went to the hospital, and 5 days later they sent me home with a baby - NO. QUESTIONS. ASKED. They were more concerned with trying to sell me the newborn photos and birth announcements than they were with making sure I was ready to take home a living person!
I completely understand why the adoption process is so involved, and I would question it if it were any easier. But now I'm questioning why its so easy for anyone to just pop out a biological kid? There are some really dumb people out there who don't deserve to be parents!!! it's not a right...it's a privilege. I've said it before - you have to have a license to drive, you have to have a license to catch a damn FISH! but any ol' idiot can become a parent!
*sigh*
oh, another thing we had to send them was a family picture! Here is the one we chose...look how cute we are! Won't a little Korean baby look beautiful sitting in our laps too?! LOVE!
About Korean Adoption...straight from the people who invented it
So, I don't know yet what we can "legally" share with others according to our contract with our adoption agency. I know there are some industry practices and insider information that they like to keep to themselves and that they don't want shared via the internets or blogs (They ACUTALLY have an "internet police" that surfs websites searching for information...if we violate this policy then we can be terminated from our contract! they mean business!!!) We will learn more what the stipulations are when we attend our PIP (Parents in Progress) training. For now though, because I have had questions from others about it - I will share what is directly posted on our agency's website:
http://www.holtinternational.org/
http://www.holtinternational.org/
A Legacy of Love in Korea
Holt’s legacy began in Korea when Harry and Bertha Holt adopted eight beautiful children in 1955. The Holt’s understood that children need families more than anything else, and they could not forget the thousands of children who remained in orphanages. In 1956 the Holts established an adoption program in Korea.
Today Holt International Children’s Services in the United States and Holt Children’s Services of Korea continue as partner agencies assisting the homeless children of Korea, until they can go home to loving, permanent families.
Holt’s foster care program in Korea is an international model for loving, temporary care of children. In addition Holt has an extensive array of programs such as a world-class center for the care and development of disabled children, a highly developed post adoption services program and Heritage Tours for adoptees and their families.
Holt International has over 50 years experience placing approximately 60,000 children from Korea with adoptive families in the US.
• Children are young, many of them infants.
• All of the children live in foster homes, not orphanages
• Excellent medical and social information available.
• Experienced staff both in the US and Korea who respond to the needs of children and families.
South KoreaThe Need The Korean War ended with the signing of an armistice in 1953, splitting the peninsula along a demilitarized zone and leaving, in its wake, many orphaned and vulnerable children. The war also devastated the Korean economy, causing widespread poverty. Unable to provide for their children, many families saw international adoption as a way to give them a better life – a belief shared by many unwed Korean mothers who, fearing the stigma of out-of-wedlock birth, chose to relinquish their children. Also facing a lifetime of discrimination were the many mixed-race children born during the war to Korean mothers and American GI fathers. For these children, international adoption often seemed preferable to a life of poverty and prejudice.
Beginning in the 1960s, South Korea experienced rapid economic and social change, emerging during the last decades of the century as one of the “Tigers of Asia.” As the nation grew more prosperous, so grew the role of the Korean people and government in the welfare of their children, including greater cultural acceptance of domestic adoption.
Traditional Confucian values, which place great emphasis on bloodline, nevertheless remain entrenched in Korean culture. Although more unwed mothers are choosing to parent their child, discrimination makes life extremely difficult for them. For many Korean children, social stigmas still create barriers to having a permanent, loving family within their birth culture.
Holt’s History in South Korea Moved by images he saw of malnourished war orphans, Harry Holt embarked on an historic voyage to South Korea in 1955. That year Harry and his wife, Bertha, urged an act of Congress enabling them to adopt eight Korean children, generating considerable media coverage and public interest in international adoption. Guided by Christian faith, the Holts quickly returned to Korea on a mission to unite every homeless child with a permanent, loving family in the U.S. They established the Holt Adoption Program in 1956, enabling thousands of children to be nourished to health and placed for adoption in the ensuing years.
Concerned about the children who weren’t adopted, especially those with profound medical and developmental conditions, the Holts built a long-term care facility near the village of Ilsan in 1961. The Ilsan Center has since become a world-renowned residential facility specializing in the care of people with disabilities.
Holt developed its philosophy of care in Korea – a philosophy of affectionate, attentive care to nurture children’s growth and development while they await permanent placement. In 1965, Holt introduced a foster care program founded on this philosophy. In this more family-like alternative to an institution, children thrive in the loving embrace of trained foster parents. Holt proceeded to replicate this model of care in countries we serve throughout the world.
Holt broadened its reach in later years, establishing community centers to serve low-income families in several Korean cities. Here, families receive free meals and medical check-ups, as well as opportunities to gain employment and other life skills. Holt also founded the Family Welfare Research Center, providing a forum for collaborative research on social welfare.
In the 1970s, Holt Children’s Services of Korea (Holt Korea) became a legally separate entity from Holt International. They now serve children and families in Korea as two separate but closely tied organizations.
Current Projects Since 1955, over 150,000 Korean children have joined families through international adoption. As adoptees grew to adulthood, many expressed the need for continuing support, such as counseling and assistance with birth searches. To meet this growing need, Holt began offering these post-adoption services, as well as adoptee summer camps and motherland tours – enabling adoptees to explore identity and adoption issues as well as connect with fellow adoptees.
Nearly all of the children who need families in Korea have been relinquished by their birth mothers, most of whom choose to keep their identities secret due to the social stigma of unwed motherhood. Children entrusted to Holt are placed in expert, loving foster homes prior to their adoption. Approximately 600 children are in care at any one time, most of whom wait an average of 11 months before joining permanent families. In the first five months in care, Holt Korea seeks families to adopt domestically, enabling the child to stay within his or her birth culture. Korea, in fact, requires a 5-month waiting period before a child may be placed for ICA.
Child sponsorship helps fund foster care, child care facilities and support for the residents of the Ilsan Center, which continues to demonstrate model care for people with disabilities. Ilsan provides short and long-term rehabilitation and medical care; apartment-style group homes overseen by housemothers; vocational training, such as pottery and sewing; and a K-12 school for children with special needs, including those living outside of Ilsan. Many Ilsan graduates hold jobs at the center or find employment in nearby factories and farms. They often marry and have families of their own.
To prevent child abandonment, Holt Korea began counseling expectant mothers and unmarried couples. Through guidance and support, Holt empowers them to decide whether to parent or relinquish their child. Many of the women who decide to parent stay for one year at one of seven unwed mothers’ homes throughout the country, receiving community housing, nutrition, support and skill development. If a mother decides not to parent, Holt provides her with additional counseling and post-natal care, and places the child for domestic adoption.
Strategic Directions As the country where our mission began, Korea holds great significance to Holt. Our role in Korea is, however, shifting. As national birthrates have declined over the past decade, fewer and fewer children are entering Holt care. And with greater acceptance and occurrence of domestic adoption, the profile of child available for ICA has changed. More healthy infants are finding homes within Korea. Children who now require ICA to have a permanent family frequently have some degree of special need.
Holt has adapted well to the changing landscape of international adoption, successfully recruiting families for children with special needs. But with the overall need for ICA diminishing, the Korean Government has considered bringing an end to the regular process. To maintain a viable adoption program should the regular process end, Holt is advocating for ICA to continue for children with special needs, as well as by Korean-American families – a placement option many consider equal to domestic adoption.
As the overall rate of ICA declines, our role as an adoption service provider will also diminish. But as a child service organization, our purpose in Korea will become more critical. In the coming years, we will help Holt Korea expand the scope of their work – looking beyond ICA to provide broader child and family welfare services through partnerships with local governments, social welfare agencies, educational institutions and hospitals.
Holt Korea’s services will not only expand, but also shift with the dynamics of Korean society, including increasing support for immigrant, guest worker and multi-cultural children and families. As more single mothers choose to parent their children, Holt Korea will provide greater shelter capacity and programs for single parents.
Holt Korea has also undertaken the complete renovation of the Holt Ilsan Center – a five-year project that will require significant fundraising. Holt will strive to underwrite the Ilsan project, work to expand the number of sponsored children, and explore new donor opportunities to support growing child welfare work in Korea.
This document is available as a PDF. Click here.
• All of the children live in foster homes, not orphanages
• Excellent medical and social information available.
• Experienced staff both in the US and Korea who respond to the needs of children and families.
South KoreaThe Need The Korean War ended with the signing of an armistice in 1953, splitting the peninsula along a demilitarized zone and leaving, in its wake, many orphaned and vulnerable children. The war also devastated the Korean economy, causing widespread poverty. Unable to provide for their children, many families saw international adoption as a way to give them a better life – a belief shared by many unwed Korean mothers who, fearing the stigma of out-of-wedlock birth, chose to relinquish their children. Also facing a lifetime of discrimination were the many mixed-race children born during the war to Korean mothers and American GI fathers. For these children, international adoption often seemed preferable to a life of poverty and prejudice.
Beginning in the 1960s, South Korea experienced rapid economic and social change, emerging during the last decades of the century as one of the “Tigers of Asia.” As the nation grew more prosperous, so grew the role of the Korean people and government in the welfare of their children, including greater cultural acceptance of domestic adoption.
Traditional Confucian values, which place great emphasis on bloodline, nevertheless remain entrenched in Korean culture. Although more unwed mothers are choosing to parent their child, discrimination makes life extremely difficult for them. For many Korean children, social stigmas still create barriers to having a permanent, loving family within their birth culture.
Holt’s History in South Korea Moved by images he saw of malnourished war orphans, Harry Holt embarked on an historic voyage to South Korea in 1955. That year Harry and his wife, Bertha, urged an act of Congress enabling them to adopt eight Korean children, generating considerable media coverage and public interest in international adoption. Guided by Christian faith, the Holts quickly returned to Korea on a mission to unite every homeless child with a permanent, loving family in the U.S. They established the Holt Adoption Program in 1956, enabling thousands of children to be nourished to health and placed for adoption in the ensuing years.
Concerned about the children who weren’t adopted, especially those with profound medical and developmental conditions, the Holts built a long-term care facility near the village of Ilsan in 1961. The Ilsan Center has since become a world-renowned residential facility specializing in the care of people with disabilities.
Holt developed its philosophy of care in Korea – a philosophy of affectionate, attentive care to nurture children’s growth and development while they await permanent placement. In 1965, Holt introduced a foster care program founded on this philosophy. In this more family-like alternative to an institution, children thrive in the loving embrace of trained foster parents. Holt proceeded to replicate this model of care in countries we serve throughout the world.
Holt broadened its reach in later years, establishing community centers to serve low-income families in several Korean cities. Here, families receive free meals and medical check-ups, as well as opportunities to gain employment and other life skills. Holt also founded the Family Welfare Research Center, providing a forum for collaborative research on social welfare.
In the 1970s, Holt Children’s Services of Korea (Holt Korea) became a legally separate entity from Holt International. They now serve children and families in Korea as two separate but closely tied organizations.
Current Projects Since 1955, over 150,000 Korean children have joined families through international adoption. As adoptees grew to adulthood, many expressed the need for continuing support, such as counseling and assistance with birth searches. To meet this growing need, Holt began offering these post-adoption services, as well as adoptee summer camps and motherland tours – enabling adoptees to explore identity and adoption issues as well as connect with fellow adoptees.
Nearly all of the children who need families in Korea have been relinquished by their birth mothers, most of whom choose to keep their identities secret due to the social stigma of unwed motherhood. Children entrusted to Holt are placed in expert, loving foster homes prior to their adoption. Approximately 600 children are in care at any one time, most of whom wait an average of 11 months before joining permanent families. In the first five months in care, Holt Korea seeks families to adopt domestically, enabling the child to stay within his or her birth culture. Korea, in fact, requires a 5-month waiting period before a child may be placed for ICA.
Child sponsorship helps fund foster care, child care facilities and support for the residents of the Ilsan Center, which continues to demonstrate model care for people with disabilities. Ilsan provides short and long-term rehabilitation and medical care; apartment-style group homes overseen by housemothers; vocational training, such as pottery and sewing; and a K-12 school for children with special needs, including those living outside of Ilsan. Many Ilsan graduates hold jobs at the center or find employment in nearby factories and farms. They often marry and have families of their own.
To prevent child abandonment, Holt Korea began counseling expectant mothers and unmarried couples. Through guidance and support, Holt empowers them to decide whether to parent or relinquish their child. Many of the women who decide to parent stay for one year at one of seven unwed mothers’ homes throughout the country, receiving community housing, nutrition, support and skill development. If a mother decides not to parent, Holt provides her with additional counseling and post-natal care, and places the child for domestic adoption.
Strategic Directions As the country where our mission began, Korea holds great significance to Holt. Our role in Korea is, however, shifting. As national birthrates have declined over the past decade, fewer and fewer children are entering Holt care. And with greater acceptance and occurrence of domestic adoption, the profile of child available for ICA has changed. More healthy infants are finding homes within Korea. Children who now require ICA to have a permanent family frequently have some degree of special need.
Holt has adapted well to the changing landscape of international adoption, successfully recruiting families for children with special needs. But with the overall need for ICA diminishing, the Korean Government has considered bringing an end to the regular process. To maintain a viable adoption program should the regular process end, Holt is advocating for ICA to continue for children with special needs, as well as by Korean-American families – a placement option many consider equal to domestic adoption.
As the overall rate of ICA declines, our role as an adoption service provider will also diminish. But as a child service organization, our purpose in Korea will become more critical. In the coming years, we will help Holt Korea expand the scope of their work – looking beyond ICA to provide broader child and family welfare services through partnerships with local governments, social welfare agencies, educational institutions and hospitals.
Holt Korea’s services will not only expand, but also shift with the dynamics of Korean society, including increasing support for immigrant, guest worker and multi-cultural children and families. As more single mothers choose to parent their children, Holt Korea will provide greater shelter capacity and programs for single parents.
Holt Korea has also undertaken the complete renovation of the Holt Ilsan Center – a five-year project that will require significant fundraising. Holt will strive to underwrite the Ilsan project, work to expand the number of sponsored children, and explore new donor opportunities to support growing child welfare work in Korea.
This document is available as a PDF. Click here.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Some patients worse off with more-experienced docs
Some patients worse off with more-experienced docs
The results highlight "issues that we have as a medical profession in keeping up to date" with the latest medical knowledge, said Dr. Niteesh Choudhry of Harvard Medical School, who was not involved in the new study. It is "a quality of care problem that has been recognized for five to 10 years," he told Reuters Health.
Dr. William Southern and colleagues looked at records of more than 6,500 patients who'd been hospitalized between 2002 and 2004 at New York City's Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx.
Montefiore is a teaching hospital where patients are first seen by a junior doctor who randomly assigns them to one of the hospital's six medical teams. Each team has a medical student, recent medical school graduates, and at the top, a senior doctor known as the attending physician.
Over the course of the study, there were 59 different attending physicians. The researchers divided them up based on how long they were practicing: five years or less, six to 10 years, 11 to 20 years, or more than 20 years.
Because the researchers thought doctors might behave differently with their own long-time patients, they confined the study to cases in which patient and doctor had never met before.
In comparing the most and least experienced doctors, researchers saw the most-experienced group had more patients die in the hospital.
At first glance, compared to patients with the newest doctors, those with the most experienced physicians had more than a 70 percent increase in their odds of dying in the hospital and a 50 percent increase in their odds of dying within 30 days.
However, when the researchers took into account how sick the patients were, they found that only the sicker patients -- those with complicated medical problems -- were at higher risk in the hands of the more experienced doctors.
Southern's group also found that while the doctor's experience played a role in how long patients stayed in the hospital, it also mattered how many hospitalized patients he or she was taking care of.
When doctors weren't very busy, they kept patients in the hospital for roughly the same average time no matter how many years of experience they had. But when they did have a lot of patients to see in the hospital, those with more than 20 years of experience kept patients there about half a day longer than their peers who'd been practicing for less than five years.
Previous research has found similar results across a variety of physician specialties. Earlier studies have also shown that physicians with more time in practice are less likely to adhere to practice guidelines.
"It's not quite as simple to say that as you get further away from training, your quality gets worse," cautioned Choudhry.
The problem, he said, is not with the capability of the more experienced doctors, but rather, their familiarity with more current guidelines and practices. The results suggest the need to rethink the way doctors are continually educated in the years after completing their certification, he added.
The authors suggest that physicians with more than 20 years in practice be required to recertify periodically. Most of the older doctors in the current study are presently exempt from having to take recertification tests, they say.
Most doctors do participate in "continuing medical education" programs after they finish their training. But much of it is passive, consisting mostly of attending lectures and reading articles by medical researchers. While these are important ways of learning new findings, said Choudhry, it would be better to develop educational programs that would actively engage the more experienced physicians.
Dr. Steven Weinberger, executive vice president and CEO of the American College of Physicians, cautioned that it is premature to make drastic changes based on the results of the study, which only looked at small numbers of attending physicians. He also came up with several alternative explanations for the findings.
For instance, the fact that patients were in a teaching hospital might have contributed to the different rates of death, since more experienced doctors might give the doctors-in-training more autonomy. And the different lengths of time patients stayed in the hospital could reflect a cultural difference in today's younger physicians, who are taught to focus on reducing hospital stays.
Despite his concerns about the study, Weinberger agreed, "It is important for physicians to stay as current as possible."
Copyright 2011 Thomson Reuters
People with complicated medical problems more likely to die in the hospital under the care of a seasoned physician than with a newcomer, study finds
In a study that flies in the face of common sense, sicker patients turned out to fare worse under the care of seasoned doctors than when newcomers to medicine looked after them.
According to findings in the American Journal of Medicine, patients whose doctors had practiced for at least 20 years stayed longer in the hospital and were more likely to die compared to those whose doctors got their medical license in the past five years.The results highlight "issues that we have as a medical profession in keeping up to date" with the latest medical knowledge, said Dr. Niteesh Choudhry of Harvard Medical School, who was not involved in the new study. It is "a quality of care problem that has been recognized for five to 10 years," he told Reuters Health.
Dr. William Southern and colleagues looked at records of more than 6,500 patients who'd been hospitalized between 2002 and 2004 at New York City's Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx.
Montefiore is a teaching hospital where patients are first seen by a junior doctor who randomly assigns them to one of the hospital's six medical teams. Each team has a medical student, recent medical school graduates, and at the top, a senior doctor known as the attending physician.
Over the course of the study, there were 59 different attending physicians. The researchers divided them up based on how long they were practicing: five years or less, six to 10 years, 11 to 20 years, or more than 20 years.
Because the researchers thought doctors might behave differently with their own long-time patients, they confined the study to cases in which patient and doctor had never met before.
In comparing the most and least experienced doctors, researchers saw the most-experienced group had more patients die in the hospital.
At first glance, compared to patients with the newest doctors, those with the most experienced physicians had more than a 70 percent increase in their odds of dying in the hospital and a 50 percent increase in their odds of dying within 30 days.
However, when the researchers took into account how sick the patients were, they found that only the sicker patients -- those with complicated medical problems -- were at higher risk in the hands of the more experienced doctors.
Southern's group also found that while the doctor's experience played a role in how long patients stayed in the hospital, it also mattered how many hospitalized patients he or she was taking care of.
When doctors weren't very busy, they kept patients in the hospital for roughly the same average time no matter how many years of experience they had. But when they did have a lot of patients to see in the hospital, those with more than 20 years of experience kept patients there about half a day longer than their peers who'd been practicing for less than five years.
Previous research has found similar results across a variety of physician specialties. Earlier studies have also shown that physicians with more time in practice are less likely to adhere to practice guidelines.
"It's not quite as simple to say that as you get further away from training, your quality gets worse," cautioned Choudhry.
The problem, he said, is not with the capability of the more experienced doctors, but rather, their familiarity with more current guidelines and practices. The results suggest the need to rethink the way doctors are continually educated in the years after completing their certification, he added.
The authors suggest that physicians with more than 20 years in practice be required to recertify periodically. Most of the older doctors in the current study are presently exempt from having to take recertification tests, they say.
Most doctors do participate in "continuing medical education" programs after they finish their training. But much of it is passive, consisting mostly of attending lectures and reading articles by medical researchers. While these are important ways of learning new findings, said Choudhry, it would be better to develop educational programs that would actively engage the more experienced physicians.
Dr. Steven Weinberger, executive vice president and CEO of the American College of Physicians, cautioned that it is premature to make drastic changes based on the results of the study, which only looked at small numbers of attending physicians. He also came up with several alternative explanations for the findings.
For instance, the fact that patients were in a teaching hospital might have contributed to the different rates of death, since more experienced doctors might give the doctors-in-training more autonomy. And the different lengths of time patients stayed in the hospital could reflect a cultural difference in today's younger physicians, who are taught to focus on reducing hospital stays.
Despite his concerns about the study, Weinberger agreed, "It is important for physicians to stay as current as possible."
Copyright 2011 Thomson Reuters
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Let's Learn a Lesson about Love and Acceptance from the "Dino Train"
One day, right after we put in the adoption application, I was having some major doubts...
then this came on the tv and Jillian knew the lyrics and was singing with them, and I really listened to the words. I burst into tears and knew in my heart that we are doing the right thing. I haven't looked back since. Please watch it and read the lyrics. It is so sweet and endearing, and so what I want our little family to be all about!
I'm getting a little *verklempt* all over again watching it right now...
Dinosaur Train
Once upon a time there was a mom
Her name was Mrs. Pteranodon
Sittin’ on her nest she heard a stratchin’ and said
“Oh boy! My eggs are hatchin’”
Her name was Mrs. Pteranodon
Sittin’ on her nest she heard a stratchin’ and said
“Oh boy! My eggs are hatchin’”
One by one her kids popped free
baby Pteranodons one, two, three
“I’ll name you Tiny, Shiny, and Don”
But Tiny said “Wait, there’s one more, Mom”
baby Pteranodons one, two, three
“I’ll name you Tiny, Shiny, and Don”
But Tiny said “Wait, there’s one more, Mom”
Last little baby was a different size with teeth and a tail and big green eyes
He didn’t look anything like the rest
“What am I doin’ in a Pteranodon nest”
He didn’t look anything like the rest
“What am I doin’ in a Pteranodon nest”
But dear old Mrs. Pteranodon said
“Oh this is your family and I’m your mom
you may be different, but we’re all creatures,
all dinosaurs have different features
Come on Buddy, we’ll take a vacation
I’ll get us some tickets at Pteranodon station
We’ll travel the world through sunshine and rain
And meet all the species on the…”
you may be different, but we’re all creatures,
all dinosaurs have different features
Come on Buddy, we’ll take a vacation
I’ll get us some tickets at Pteranodon station
We’ll travel the world through sunshine and rain
And meet all the species on the…”
Dinosaur train, dinosaur train, dinosaur train, dinosaur train
We’re gonna ride, ride ride ride…
[Choo Choo]
ROAR!
We’re gonna ride, ride ride ride…
[Choo Choo]
ROAR!
On to Bigger and (MUCH)Better things!
Ok, so I have to admit, this blog was never intended to a be a big ol' pity party about all my health issues. Sure, they're a big part of my life, and they will continue to be for the rest of forever. I am really happy that people are reading it and maybe understanding a little more about me, and also finding out valuable information about some of their own issues they may be struggling with. I am especially happy that through reading my blog, people are understanding they can control their own health by making good decisions about food, and being their own best advocate. For that, the "oversharing" and "TMI" are totally worth it.
I found a new endocrinologist just about a month ago, and she *finally* prescribed me Armour (the medication I've wanted to be on this whole time). After a few weeks of an adjustment period, I'm feeling pretty good! Still learning, still researching...but overall, in a MUCH better place than I was in this time last year. I finally feel at at peace (mostly). I still have bad days, but the bad days are slowly starting to get outnumbered by the good ones.
It is at this time that I want to share what the true intention of this blog has always been -
I found a new endocrinologist just about a month ago, and she *finally* prescribed me Armour (the medication I've wanted to be on this whole time). After a few weeks of an adjustment period, I'm feeling pretty good! Still learning, still researching...but overall, in a MUCH better place than I was in this time last year. I finally feel at at peace (mostly). I still have bad days, but the bad days are slowly starting to get outnumbered by the good ones.
It is at this time that I want to share what the true intention of this blog has always been -
Ryan and I have put in an application to adopt a baby from Korea!!!
We got word the other day that our application had been accepted, and we have started the paperwork for the Home Study. It will be a fairly long process that will demand a lot of time, patience, (money), trust, and faith. A lot of things that I'm admittedly not very good at!
I felt like I needed to explain in previous posts why we chose to adopt. I'm having health issues. I probably could have another biological child with some risks, but after agonizing about the right decision and weighing the pros and cons of each (the Creedens don't do anything on the fly...everything is quite intentional and has a well crafted plan. I'm a "planner", what can I say? there are worse things to be...) we have come to the point where adoption makes the most sense for us. Ryan and I always talked about adoption, even before we were married. We always said that if we had the opportunity and means to do it, we would explore it as a serious option. Well, here we are, at a crossroads of what to do next. We have 3 options: be a happy family of 3, risk my health and a baby's health for another biological child, or adopt. We finally came to the conclusion that our family is not yet complete, but it is not worth it to further jeopardize my health. So what is left? ADOPTION!
I will get into the ins and outs of the whole process as things progress...I just really really wanted to make the big announcement!!! I can't keep secrets! I'm too excited to keep it to myself anymore! The whole reason for this blog was to have a real time journal of our experience. I'm also writing it as I know a lot of our friends and family will have a lot of questions along the way.
GET EXCITED PEOPLE! We certainly are!!!!
Monday, July 11, 2011
I don't need to walk around in circles, walk around in circles...
TMI ALERT! You've been warned...
*siiiighhhh* If its not one thing, its another.
So a piece of my saliva test from the Naturopath showed that I had low progesterone, which totally explains why my periods were 55 days apart. My non-functioning thyroid was now affecting LITERALLY every single part of my life. It is truly quite fascinating how your body is a well oiled machine, and if one cog is broken, the rest of the wheels don't turn either. So in true holistic health form, Dr. K gave me a natural progesterone replacement supplement to try to help my hormonal levels readjust. She also gave me some adrenal boosters too. So many times, when your thyroid is burnt out, your adrenals have gone kaput as well.
Adrenal fatigue can explain why you need coffee or soda in the morning to get going, or why your energy crashes at 3pm everyday...fascinating! I say this a lot, but, IT ALL MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!!!
Read about adrenal fatigue here: http://thyroid.about.com/cs/endocrinology/a/adrenalfatigue.htm
During the winter of 2011 I was taking B12, D3, Iron, natural progesterone (6 pills/day), the natural adrenal booster (6 pills/day), fish oil, Synthroid, and a probiotic. As much as I like and believe in the good work my Naturopath does, it was exhausting!!!! That is 18 pills a day people!!!! And of course they all have to be timed differently so as not to interact with food, or each other, so I was setting timers and reminders all over the place. I had one of those weekly pill organizers, and you know its bad when comparing notes with my 86 year old grandmother I had more pills in my caddy than she did!
After about 4 weeks on the natural progesterone my periods went from 55 days apart to every 9 days. I would bleed for 7 days, have 9 days off, bleed for 7 days, etc...so, obviously the supplements were affecting something in my body, but it took it from one extreme to another. Talk about another exhausting experience! Ladies, I think we all agree, that one period a month is more than enough to deal with....this was getting to be a little ridiculous.
Looking back, this two month time frame was probably the lowest point of my journey. I had been given so much hope - finally having a diagnosis, overhauling my diet, finally finding really great support through Dr. Michelle, Dr. K and my gyno.... But here I was, still feeling highly symptomatic, feeling like I was going to bleed to death (and still not pregnant!), feeling crazy and seriously considering going for those antidepressants, and the cherry on top - gaining 12 pounds in 2 months despite all of my healthy eating and exercising at least 3+ times per week.
Hashimotos really fucks with your metabolism. If I don't stick to a strict 1200 calorie/day diet and do a hardcore workout at least every other day, then I can literally gain 3-5 lbs per week. 5 days in Florida over spring break, with a few margaritas, maybe a slice of key lime pie, and no exercise, some people might gain 2 pounds at the most, I gained 8! So if you see me obsessing on the computer tracking every single morsel I put in my mouth, there is a reason! Just leave me alone and don't tell me I don't need to use Weight Watchers - their points system is awesome for someone like me and its the main reason I don't weigh 250lbs!
(Weight Watchers is awesome...but I do sometimes prefer www.myfooddiary.com)
I just really wanted to lay in bed with the covers over my head for the rest of eternity. It was all I could do to force myself out of bed and put on my fake happy face everyday.
Again, I applaud my friends, co-workers, and awesome hubby and daughter for pretending not to notice and putting up with me with a smile on their faces anyway...I'm pretty sure I wasn't pleasant to be around.
(But I will say, I do have this one co-worker who always says "Wow, you look tired." Literally, on a daily basis. Yes, honey. I. am. tired. I'm tired of being tired and I don't need you to remind me everyday that I look like shit. Thanks though.)
I went back to my gyno to discuss the wonky period thing. Although she fully supports my Naturopath, she wanted me to get off the natural progesterone, go back on the pill to give my body a hormonal break, and then when I was really ready to have another baby, get off the pill and take Clomid right away.
A number of females with hypoactive thyroid have presence of high amounts of prolactin in their bodies, a type of hormone which brings about breast milk secretion subsequent to child birth. Presence of excessive prolactin levels could hamper ovulation. Hypothyroidism could additionally cut short the luteal phase in a menstrual cycle every month that would last for a regular twelve to sixteen days on an average. In case the luteal phase is briefer than ten days then the lining of uterus does not get ample time to satisfactorily develop for facilitating proper embryo implantation.
Clomid would FORCE me to ovulate. It might not work, but if it does, there is a high risk of multiples. Wow. I don't want triplets...
There are also some risks with Hashimotos if you do happen to get pregnant.
Read more at Suite101: Risks to the Baby in a Hashimoto's Pregnancy: Can this Autoimmune Thyroid Condition Harm Your Baby? | Suite101.com http://www.suite101.com/content/risks-to-the-baby-in-a-hashimotos-pregnancy-a123873#ixzz1Rou7bXGy
Certainly, this is all very hard to swallow. Especially since Jillian was so (relatively) easy to get here. Ryan and I had a very long conversation, followed by lots of sitting and alone-time thinking, and then another very long conversation about what to do next. Ultimately, even though we realize that thousands of women with Hashimotos go on to have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies, we are not willing to take on the risks involved. There are too many things we are not comfortable with - from fertility treatments, to miscarriage, to me possibly having to be on bed rest for the better part of 9 months (remember, I already have significant joint pain, swelling, and fatigue...how is pregnancy going to affect that?) In the end, the stress on my body, and the subsequent stress on our marriage, family, and work lives is just not worth it to us. So I got back on the pill.
The decision was heartbreaking for me. The hardest part of all was that it seemed like there were babies EVERYWHERE. Everyone around me - close friends, family members, co-workers, were pregnant. I wanted to be pregnant, but couldn't. It was so hard to watch everyone compare their growing bellies, plan for baby showers, etc and know that I'm never doing it again. It also seems like, when someone is pregnant, that's all we ever talk about. There are other things going on in the world besides babies!
Of course, I'm thrilled for everyone, I would never take that excitement away from them. They deserve it, they're wonderful people, and I'm so completely over the moon with joy for each and every one of them...but there was always a small part of me that was like, SHUT UP! I don't want to hear about your stupid 3D sonogram today! Not today...Not today.
(I also hate the question "when is Jillian getting a sibling...?" Ok people, I know you mean well, but really, none of your business! She never asks me when she's getting one, so why do you?!)
I think the lowest of the low points was when a friend asked to borrow my summer maternity clothes - of course! Why buy new ones? I had no idea that something as simple as folding them up and putting them in a bag would bring on such a flood of emotions. I had a nervous breakdown on the floor of my walk-in closet. I didn't even really like being pregnant!!! and here I am bawling all over my fat pants! As much as it hurt, I think I needed that night though, because passing my clothes over to a friend was kind of like shutting the book on the whole thing. Closure. Quit obsessing, the decision has been made. We have one gorgeous, smart, healthy, amazing daughter. Let's be happy with what we've been blessed with.
Time to move on...
*siiiighhhh* If its not one thing, its another.
So a piece of my saliva test from the Naturopath showed that I had low progesterone, which totally explains why my periods were 55 days apart. My non-functioning thyroid was now affecting LITERALLY every single part of my life. It is truly quite fascinating how your body is a well oiled machine, and if one cog is broken, the rest of the wheels don't turn either. So in true holistic health form, Dr. K gave me a natural progesterone replacement supplement to try to help my hormonal levels readjust. She also gave me some adrenal boosters too. So many times, when your thyroid is burnt out, your adrenals have gone kaput as well.
Adrenal fatigue can explain why you need coffee or soda in the morning to get going, or why your energy crashes at 3pm everyday...fascinating! I say this a lot, but, IT ALL MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!!!
Read about adrenal fatigue here: http://thyroid.about.com/cs/endocrinology/a/adrenalfatigue.htm
During the winter of 2011 I was taking B12, D3, Iron, natural progesterone (6 pills/day), the natural adrenal booster (6 pills/day), fish oil, Synthroid, and a probiotic. As much as I like and believe in the good work my Naturopath does, it was exhausting!!!! That is 18 pills a day people!!!! And of course they all have to be timed differently so as not to interact with food, or each other, so I was setting timers and reminders all over the place. I had one of those weekly pill organizers, and you know its bad when comparing notes with my 86 year old grandmother I had more pills in my caddy than she did!
After about 4 weeks on the natural progesterone my periods went from 55 days apart to every 9 days. I would bleed for 7 days, have 9 days off, bleed for 7 days, etc...so, obviously the supplements were affecting something in my body, but it took it from one extreme to another. Talk about another exhausting experience! Ladies, I think we all agree, that one period a month is more than enough to deal with....this was getting to be a little ridiculous.
Looking back, this two month time frame was probably the lowest point of my journey. I had been given so much hope - finally having a diagnosis, overhauling my diet, finally finding really great support through Dr. Michelle, Dr. K and my gyno.... But here I was, still feeling highly symptomatic, feeling like I was going to bleed to death (and still not pregnant!), feeling crazy and seriously considering going for those antidepressants, and the cherry on top - gaining 12 pounds in 2 months despite all of my healthy eating and exercising at least 3+ times per week.
Hashimotos really fucks with your metabolism. If I don't stick to a strict 1200 calorie/day diet and do a hardcore workout at least every other day, then I can literally gain 3-5 lbs per week. 5 days in Florida over spring break, with a few margaritas, maybe a slice of key lime pie, and no exercise, some people might gain 2 pounds at the most, I gained 8! So if you see me obsessing on the computer tracking every single morsel I put in my mouth, there is a reason! Just leave me alone and don't tell me I don't need to use Weight Watchers - their points system is awesome for someone like me and its the main reason I don't weigh 250lbs!
(Weight Watchers is awesome...but I do sometimes prefer www.myfooddiary.com)
I just really wanted to lay in bed with the covers over my head for the rest of eternity. It was all I could do to force myself out of bed and put on my fake happy face everyday.
Again, I applaud my friends, co-workers, and awesome hubby and daughter for pretending not to notice and putting up with me with a smile on their faces anyway...I'm pretty sure I wasn't pleasant to be around.
(But I will say, I do have this one co-worker who always says "Wow, you look tired." Literally, on a daily basis. Yes, honey. I. am. tired. I'm tired of being tired and I don't need you to remind me everyday that I look like shit. Thanks though.)
I went back to my gyno to discuss the wonky period thing. Although she fully supports my Naturopath, she wanted me to get off the natural progesterone, go back on the pill to give my body a hormonal break, and then when I was really ready to have another baby, get off the pill and take Clomid right away.
Hashimoto’s Disease and Unexplained Infertility
A hypoactive thyroid could make a woman infertile by hampering ovulatory phase despite getting her menses regularly. Females having undetected hypothyroidism and repeated failed attempts at conceiving have an augmented chance of miscarrying or birth interruption.A number of females with hypoactive thyroid have presence of high amounts of prolactin in their bodies, a type of hormone which brings about breast milk secretion subsequent to child birth. Presence of excessive prolactin levels could hamper ovulation. Hypothyroidism could additionally cut short the luteal phase in a menstrual cycle every month that would last for a regular twelve to sixteen days on an average. In case the luteal phase is briefer than ten days then the lining of uterus does not get ample time to satisfactorily develop for facilitating proper embryo implantation.
Clomid would FORCE me to ovulate. It might not work, but if it does, there is a high risk of multiples. Wow. I don't want triplets...
There are also some risks with Hashimotos if you do happen to get pregnant.
How is the Baby Affected if the Mother has Hashimoto’s?
Anyone with a hypothyroid condition is more likely to experience problems in becoming pregnant than people with a normal-functioning thyroid, and risks suffering recurrent miscarriages. Untreated hypothyroidism of all sorts increases the risk of coronary artery disease, as it is closely associated with a prevalence of lipid disorders. In women with Hashimoto’s, this is most likely to emerge as antiphospholipid syndrome; this is easily tested, and the dangers overcome by simple aspirin and Heparin treatment. Untreated, it can cause blood-clotting problems as the placenta develops, and later complications such as premature birth, and low birthweight.
Other risks to the baby mirror those of any hypothyroid condition, and include placental abruption and pre-eclampsia (pregnancy-induced hypertension). Mild brain developmental abnormalities may also occur in children born to women with untreated hypothyroidism for reasons other than iodine deficiency (see above), so any form of hypothyroidism must be identified and treated. The key advice seems to be “test and test again” to make sure any variation in thyroid levels is accounted for, and the baby receives all the iodine necessaryRead more at Suite101: Risks to the Baby in a Hashimoto's Pregnancy: Can this Autoimmune Thyroid Condition Harm Your Baby? | Suite101.com http://www.suite101.com/content/risks-to-the-baby-in-a-hashimotos-pregnancy-a123873#ixzz1Rou7bXGy
Certainly, this is all very hard to swallow. Especially since Jillian was so (relatively) easy to get here. Ryan and I had a very long conversation, followed by lots of sitting and alone-time thinking, and then another very long conversation about what to do next. Ultimately, even though we realize that thousands of women with Hashimotos go on to have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies, we are not willing to take on the risks involved. There are too many things we are not comfortable with - from fertility treatments, to miscarriage, to me possibly having to be on bed rest for the better part of 9 months (remember, I already have significant joint pain, swelling, and fatigue...how is pregnancy going to affect that?) In the end, the stress on my body, and the subsequent stress on our marriage, family, and work lives is just not worth it to us. So I got back on the pill.
The decision was heartbreaking for me. The hardest part of all was that it seemed like there were babies EVERYWHERE. Everyone around me - close friends, family members, co-workers, were pregnant. I wanted to be pregnant, but couldn't. It was so hard to watch everyone compare their growing bellies, plan for baby showers, etc and know that I'm never doing it again. It also seems like, when someone is pregnant, that's all we ever talk about. There are other things going on in the world besides babies!
Of course, I'm thrilled for everyone, I would never take that excitement away from them. They deserve it, they're wonderful people, and I'm so completely over the moon with joy for each and every one of them...but there was always a small part of me that was like, SHUT UP! I don't want to hear about your stupid 3D sonogram today! Not today...Not today.
(I also hate the question "when is Jillian getting a sibling...?" Ok people, I know you mean well, but really, none of your business! She never asks me when she's getting one, so why do you?!)
I think the lowest of the low points was when a friend asked to borrow my summer maternity clothes - of course! Why buy new ones? I had no idea that something as simple as folding them up and putting them in a bag would bring on such a flood of emotions. I had a nervous breakdown on the floor of my walk-in closet. I didn't even really like being pregnant!!! and here I am bawling all over my fat pants! As much as it hurt, I think I needed that night though, because passing my clothes over to a friend was kind of like shutting the book on the whole thing. Closure. Quit obsessing, the decision has been made. We have one gorgeous, smart, healthy, amazing daughter. Let's be happy with what we've been blessed with.
Time to move on...
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Navigating a Gluten Free Life in a Gluten Filled World...it's not as hard as you think!
I guess I should start this chain of thoughts by saying - I was not forced to eliminate all of these foods from my palate. In fact, when asked, my original endocrinologist said it wasn't necessary to make any dietary changes whatsoever (but remember...he was kind of a putz anyway...so...). I've had many people come up to me and say "but Erin, my mom/grandma/sister/friend have Hashimotos too, and THEY don't have to stop eating all these foods!" Great! Good for them! But I would be remiss if I didn't ask - How's that working for them? How are the FEELING? I would challenge anyone else experiencing the same issues as me to try the elimination diet and see how they feel within two weeks. With the help and direction of a Naturopath and my Gynecologist, I am making an informed CHOICE to create a healthier lifestyle for myself and my family. Trust me when I say, its a giant pain in the ass and it makes going to picnics and BBQ's, or anywhere where you're not in control of the food that's being prepared quite difficult. Its embarrassing to have to constantly ask "What's in this?", and bringing your own food everywhere makes you look like a complete stuck up piece of work. But giving up birthday cake, pasta, etc is well worth it in the long run for the price of my good health.
That being said....Here we go -
the BIGGEST elimination from my diet......GLUTEN!!!
oh boy, this is a doozy...or is it...?
the below videos are great informational pieces from Dr. Vikki Petersen of HealthNOW Medical Center that explain the gluten/autoimmune disease connection. Fascinating! It makes so much sense!
The results of my saliva test from Dr. K were VERY interesting. It showed that I have a gluten sensitivity (not Celiacs...just a sensitivity), low progesterone (we'll get to this later), and a borderline tendency for hypoglycemia (which completely explains the 3pm energy crash every day!)
So, what is gluten?
Gluten can be removed from wheat flour, producing wheat starch. All of the gluten in wheat flour, however, cannot be removed. Still, according the the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), if a certain amount of the gluten is removed, the food product can be labeled "gluten-free." (This is somewhat similar to food products that can be labeled as 0 Calories even though a serving contains 4 or less Calories.) Gluten helps make bread elastic, providing it with that chewy texture it has when eaten. For this reason, flour that has had most of its gluten removed, produces a sticky dough that feels much like chewing gum.
Gluten provides many additional important qualities to bread. For example, gluten keeps the gases that are released during fermentation in the dough, so the bread is able to rise before it is baked. In addition, gluten firms up when it is cooked and, with the help of starch, helps ensure the bread maintains its proper shape.
While Gluten is probably the biggest thing I eliminated from my diet, it surprisingly wasn't the hardest. Sure, at first I was annoyed and nervous at the prospect of having to completely overhaul my life, MY FAMILY'S life, and the way we do things...Food is such a conversation piece in our house. My husband is the ultimate "Food Snob", pre-packaged box foods have never found their way across our threshold. We build our family time around amazing dinners, we get excited about red wine and beautiful produce. I didn't want to lose that just because we were being put under so many restrictions. But, like I said, there is a lot of awareness about gluten intolerance diseases now, and there are ways to lead a satisfying "food life" without gluten.
Fresh fruits and veggies, lean meats and fish, olive oils, and nuts are where its at when living gluten free. But when you get a hankering for comfort or snack foods....
These are a few of my favorite things:
CIROC VODKA! thanks P.Diddy! it's made from Grapes, not Potatoes!
HEARTLAND CORN/RICE PASTA! We don't eat a ton of pasta anymore, but if we get the hankering, this is the BEST we've found so far. A lot of gluten free pastas turn out to be a big, sticky, globby mess. This tastes like regular pasta! I was so excited to find this!
RICEWORKS CHIPS! Great alternative to potato or tortilla chips!
Taste great with salsa, and are low in sodium!
LOVE!!! Thank you Kellogg's!!!! It makes me oh so very happy to be able to have a sweet treat in Rice Krispie Treats!!! (Marshmallows are gluten free too!!!)
QUINOA!!!! this is an amazing, yummy, extremely healthy little grain that you should be eating! It tastes great with a lot of different meals!
"Not only is quinoa high in protein, but the protein it supplies is complete protein, meaning that it includes all nine essential amino acids. Not only is quinoa's amino acid profile well balanced, making it a good choice for vegans concerned about adequate protein intake, but quinoa is especially well-endowed with the amino acid lysinequinoa features a host of other health-building nutrients. Because quinoa is a very good source of manganese as well as a good source of magnesium, iron, copper and phosphorus, this "grain" may be especially valuable for persons with migraine headaches, diabetes and atherosclerosis"
and because it would be rude not to share - my favorite Gluten Free Blog, chock full of recipes and giveaways - worth a read, even if you're not planning on going gluten free!
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